Monday 26 August 2019

Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity


A few months ago Anne Yarwood, a close friend of Sally and I asked if I would be editor of the month for the web site that she has produced - The Imagination Acts.
The result was a collection pf pictures and words with a theme of Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity




It reads as follows - please see The Imagination Acts web site for the pictures.

Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity
There is a human tendency towards classification and categorisation. To assign labels. To generalise. Male. Female. Straight. Lesbian. Gay. Bi. Trans.
Classification has its uses, but also limitations.
We can use labels to form alliances and to define borders. To stereotype. To marginalise.
It challenges me that I sometimes construct borderlines as a way of self defence and preservation and fail to see the bigger picture. It is possible to value the things that hold us together. To uphold each other. And to celebrate our distinctiveness.
After more than half a lifetime of denial I gave up a battle with myself and began to accept myself as the person that I am. This came with the label “trans”. As time passes, I need to regularly remind myself of the inadequacy of this label. To see that no label defines who I am. Or who you are. There is a much bigger story to your life and to mine.

The Borderline
Cos what is love – a word, the feeling of you ?
Something we dream or the things that we do ?
And who am I – these thoughts, this feeling, my views
A fragile form or a dreamer like you ?
Are we so different, defined ?
Where is the borderline ?

When we are like water, like trees
We have a name, an illusion of identity
Of boundaries, of borderlines
But my dreams are yours and your fears are mine
I hope we wake up from this dream of being different, defined
When we are only space and time
Emily Maguire (https://emilymaguire.com/biog/) is a singer-song writer, poet and composer. The International Society for Bipolar Disorders awarded her the 2019 Mogens Schou Award for Public Service and Advocacy.
Several Shades of T
The storyline that I’m thinking of opened with L and G.
After a while they were joined by B.
And then T.
LGBT.
More recently a large selection of the rest of the alphabet has joined in. Some of them more than once.
LGBTQQIAAPOG …
Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Trans. Queer. Questioning. Intersex. Asexual. Ally. Pansexual. Other. Genderfluid. …
Sometimes the newcomers all get represented by just a +.
LGBT+.
But the story isn’t about the alphabet.
It’s about people.
It began long before the alphabet got involved.
And like all stories about people, whilst there are still people the story will continue.
Some people are intimately involved in the story. Others are more on the periphery. We can all be involved. In some ways, we all are involved.
There is a truth in that different people read the same story in different ways.
Some see a collection of different letters of the alphabet. They don’t identify with any of the letters. The story is a threat. An anathema. An abomination. They want to put an end to it. But the story is about people and not the alphabet. Ending it involves blood. And even then, whilst there are people the story will continue.
Some claim a letter as their own. They hold it close. They know it and understand it. Looking at the other letters they aren’t so sure. Not all letters are equal. Some of them are frauds. Dangerous. Threatening. They need to be restricted. Controlled.
Some don’t consciously read the story at all. But by words, silences, actions and inactions they take part.
Over the years I’ve come across people that read the story in these ways. And of people that read it in many, many other ways.
My own take on it has changed. Is still changing.
I’ve discovered that I have letters in this story.
I know other people that have the same letters.
But sharing the same letters in a story doesn’t make us the same people. We have our own thoughts, feelings, preferences. And we can even read the same story in different ways.
I know other people with other letters.
But I know no one for whom a letter, or even an entire alphabet, provides an adequate definition of who they are.
In all of this I identify as T and G – that is a Trans person that is Genderfluid.
So, what does that mean? And does it matter.
The term trans is often defined as something like this: an umbrella term for all people who cross traditional gender boundaries – whether that is permanently or periodically (https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/transhealth/documents/livingmylife.pdf.
And then there’s the term genderfluid. You could say that genderfluid individuals have different gender identities at different times. A genderfluid individual’s gender identity could be multiple genders at once and then switch to none at all, or move between single gender identities, or some other combination therein. For some genderfluid people, these changes happen as often as several times a day and for others, monthly, or less often. Some genderfluid people regularly move between only a few specific genders, perhaps as few as two (which could also fit under the label bigender), whereas other genderfluid people never know what they’ll feel like next (See HERE  – wiki/Genderfluid).
However, the definitions certainly have their limitations.
I’ve come across some trans people who don’t like to stand under the same umbrella as other trans people. Which might add another letter to the story to accommodate them.
Some people don’t believe that T has the right to be included along with LG or B.
Sometimes, people begin to talk trans and then focus more upon pronouns, lavatories, changing rooms and restrooms than they do on people.
Sometimes people say and do things that are much worse.
Trans people face many challenges. All people face many challenges.
What special rights should trans people have?
Perhaps nothing more special than things that I believe should be given to all people.
Things like kindness, compassion, respect and understanding.
Ultimately, what every trans person that I know wishes for, is to simply be themselves.
It’s not about special treatment or privileges.
Of course, that’s the beginning of a story more than it is the end of one. Pronouns, restrooms, changing rooms and safe spaces matter.
Safety matters.
People are capable of pretending to be someone that they are not.
There are challenges.
But in working out solutions to these challenges let’s remember that behind every acronym and label there are real people. That even when people share the same label, they are different from each other. That there is no single voice that fully represents any label. That it is possible to disagree with someone else and yet to do that with respect and kindness. That there are times when the ability to reach a compromise is a strength. That it is better to listen to and talk with each other than it is to write about each other. That whispers sometimes speak more loudly than yells.
The acronyms are complicated. People are complex. But there is something special when people that pick up different labels are able to move beyond the things that make them different. To see diversity as a thing that can enrich and strengthen rather than something that weakens and destroys.
And of course, just like you, I have lots of other letters of the alphabet in lots of other stories. And we’re all involved in each of these stories in one way or another. Some stories touch us closely. Others seem to be more distant. But we are involved. What we say and do has an effect. Our inactions and silences also have an effect. And all the separate stories are, in reality, parts of a single bigger story.
Martin Niemöller (first-they-came-for-the-socialists) is remembered for saying:
First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

And so, even though I am not L or G or B, I still speak out. We are all neighbours (www.biblegateway.com/passage).
Last year I discovered the music of Emily Maguire (https://emilymaguire.com/ ) and was especially touched when listening to a song of hers called The Borderline which speaks to me of the way it can be so easy to concentrate on things that divide us rather than the things that hold us together. You can listen to it  HERE  and  HERE.
The words are:
The Borderline
[E.Maguire]

Where is the borderline
The boundary between your tribe and mine
Are we the rain, the river, the cloud and the sea
If we are like water then which drop is me

And what is time – the fast blink of an eye
A circle so vast that we think it’s a line
And what is space – the air, the silence we breathe
A place of our own and the ghosts we don’t see
Is it the boundary, the borderline
Between you and I, your mind and mine

Is fire the spark, the fuel, the air or the heat
The smoke in your eyes or the ash at your feet
Are trees the root, the branch, the wood or the leaves
The forest we burn or the broom that we keep
Beneath the stairs, the stars, the space in a jar. The air outside is that where you are
Is that the borderline, the boundary
Between you and I, between your tribe and mine

But isn’t fear the dark shadow of hope
The things that we want and the things that we don’t
And so we cling and close the eyes that look in,
The soul we don’t see under the skin
Cos that’s a boundary, the borderline
Between you and I, between your tribe and mine

But we both were born and both will die
And in between will doubt and dream
Of a better life than life before
A meaning or a reason for
This feeling of being different, defined
When we are only dreaming of boundaries and borderlines
I hope we wake up

Cos what is love – a word, the feeling of you
Something we dream or the things that we do
And who am I – these thoughts, this feeling, my views
A fragile form or a dreamer like you
Are we so different, defined
Where is the borderline?

When we are like water, like trees
We have a name, an illusion of identity
Of boundaries, of borderlines
But my dreams are yours and your fears are mine
I hope we wake up from this dream of being different, defined
When we are only space and time


And yes, I too hope that we wake up.



Thursday 15 August 2019

Harrogate revisited - Q's and Ps, Stout and Wasps, Breaking Free, Art, Ilkley Moor and Niel Diaomond

2018 was Eastbourne.

2017 was Sparkle.

2016 was Eastbourne.

2015 was Bournemouth.

Way back in 2014 it was Harrogate  as it was in 2013.

August 2019 provides an opportunity for Harrogate revisited.

Back in 2013 I lured Tina into the The Winter Gardens and we received Wolf Whistles. In 2014 Tina lorn'd hoo te speak Geordie, courtesy of Malcolm. 

Though, maybe it would be more accurate to say, Tina tried te worrk oot what a Geordie wez saying.

 The Harrogate weekend is organised by Kay and Irene West. 

It usually happens twice a year at the Cairn Hotel in – you guessed it – Harrogate. 

This is Harrogate weekend number  13th.

This is the plan for the weekend:







And here’s how it went for Andrea and Tina in 2019.

Andrea spends a surprisingly long time on the evening of Wednesday August 7th packing two suitcases. 

Having decided that one suitcase wasn’t going to be quite enough she succumbs to the temptation to actually try to fill them both. 

It has something to do with the six pairs of shoes and all that makeup.

It’s strange how this girl takes twice as much stuff for 4 days in Harrogate as the guy took for a four-week trip to New Zealand. 

Post-packing there is the nail polish. Two coats of Barry M Siren (823) with a pre basecoat and post topcoat thrown in.

Come Thursday morning it’s time to make up, even though she hasn’t fallen out with anyone. All in all, an unrushed hour and fifteen minutes and she’s ready.

Tina arrives and makes up, without falling out, and changes. Then they are on the road.

A brief fuel stop, and the trip begins.

At various places the girls say hello to some of Eddie’s girls.

At Watford Gap, that icon of British motoring history, it’s time for a visit to the conveniences and a cup of coffee. 

Until just a few moments ago I never knew that there is a village named Watford as well as a town named Watford – and, of course, a Gap named Watford.

A while later, somewhere along the A1, Andrea needs to spend another penny 

Relief is soon in sight as an Esso petrol station complete with Burger King, Gregg's and the Doncaster Travelodge appear on the horizon. 




The car park is out back. 

Tina stretches her legs.

“I’ll be back in a minute”. Andrea heads towards Greggs and Burger King and steps inside. 

On the other side of the door Andrea realises that she’s been a bit over optimistic. 

There is a p q – or should that be a q to p? 

Andrea comes in at number five. 



The door to the right apologises.



Ahead there’s another door, introducing itself as:

The line of ladies waits patiently. 

Andrea slowly and quietly steps from one foot to the other. 



Two men walk past the line, through the door and turn right. 

The resulting kerfuffle abates as the leader of the line points out that that through the main door and to the right, the door is:



To the left is:



And between the two:

No wonder there is a Q to P.

The leftmost door opens.

The line shrinks by one. 

At least the part of the line in front of Andrea. 

Behind, it’s grown by two. 

Two men exit the door on the right.

Quietness.

A whisper. “Is it empty?”

“Go and have a look.”

She goes.

And returns.



"No it isn't empty."

The leftmost door opens, and the line shrinks again.

A man exits from the right.

A girl takes a chance and heads right.

The Gents temporarily becomes a Ladies.

Andrea smiles at the instant transition.

The line moves forwards.

A little over twenty minutes after the infamous “I’ll be back in a minute”, a relieved Andrea emerges, and the journey continues.

At the Cairn there is plenty of room in the car park. 



Check-in is painless. 

Kay and Irene greet the newcomers who aren’t newbies, knowing who they are without having to ask.

After unpacking it’s a Malthouse and a Black Sheep in the bar.



Dinner, conversations and sleep.

The weather forecast for the weekend is somewhat grim.

But Friday starts of dry. Providing an opportunity to walk into town to stock up on supplies of foundation and liner at Superdrug. 

And a predictable detour to the Winter Gardens for a tipple of stout.



A wasp says hello to Tina and decides to go for a swim in her drink.

Wasps seem to have a thing for Tina.

It was only a week or so ago at Surrey Swans that another wasp did exactly the same thing.
The wasp sips stout and swims as Tina goes off in search of a teaspoon.

Things don't end well for the wasp.

Back at the Cairn there’s opportunity to relax and chat with folks. 



We talk about where we are at. 

Where we have been. 

Where we are headed. 

The universe.

The second law of thermodynamics.

Religion. 

Deuteronomy (as in the Bible rather than the practical cat).

Politics. 

Indigo Girls.

Emily Maguire.

Jacob Rees-Mogg Esq. 

Prime Minister Johnson. 

President Trump.

And a long, long list of other things.

Not everyone agrees with everyone else. 

But there's certainly more makeup than there is breakup in the air.

Then there's dinner

Followed by the fashion show,courtesy of M & Co) and disco. 

The star model is Kay, who enters stage left complete with a Vax vacuum cleaner and a rendition of “I want to break free”. 

Fantastic!

Saturday starts off dry but is going to get wet. 

OK Google.


And it’s a trip to the Mercer Art Gallery.



Tina, Andrea and the occupants of another car spend a surprisingly long time to work how much it costs to park a car on Crescent Gardens.
They then find out about William Powell Frith: The People’s Painter - with more about him here and here.



Tina and Andrea have never heard of him before, but both enjoyed the exhibition very much.





The rain begins. 

Tina borrows a red National Trust brolly.

There’s a chance to find out all about:  Yorkshire! Achievement, Grit and Controversy

As it says 

“From Jodie Whittaker the new Doctor Who, to the notorious Gunpowder Plot conspirator Guy Fawkes, discover the faces that have helped create the reputation of Yorkshire. Who would you include to demonstrate the county’s reputation?” 

Michael Parkinson, David Hockney, Arthur Scargill, Alan Bennett, Patrick Stewart, Guy Fawkes, Nicola Adams, Judi Dench and Geoffrey Boycott are amongst the many that get a mention.

Hidden amongst the exhibits are little gems such as “Put wood inth ‘ole” and “On Ilkla Moor Baht’at”. 

And here’s the song . With a fair few “On Ilkla Mooar baht 'at’s” omitted.

Wheear 'ast tha bin sin' ah saw thee, ah saw thee?
On Ilkla Mooar baht 'at
Wheear 'ast tha bin sin' ah saw thee, ah saw thee?
Wheear 'ast tha bin sin' ah saw thee?
On Ilkla Mooar baht 'at
On Ilkla Mooar baht 'at
On Ilkla Mooar baht 'at

Tha's been a cooartin' Mary Jane

Tha's bahn' to catch thy deeath o' cowd

Then us'll ha' to bury thee

Then t'worms'll come an' eyt thee oop

Then t'ducks'll come an' eyt up t'worms

Then us'll go an' eyt up t'ducks

Then us'll all ha' etten thee

That's wheear we get us ooan back

If 2014 was the year of the Geordie, then 2019 is surely the year of the Yorkie.

Andrea wonders if they still sing this in music lessons at schools.

Back at the Cairn there’s a chance to chat and get ready for dinner.








After dinner it’s Neil Diamond. 

Andrea takes a break and phones home to say hello to Sally.

“Does he sound a lot like Neil Diamond?”
“Maybe. But I have no idea what Neil Diamond sounds like.”

Tina confesses to being not so sure either.

It’s a pleasant evening. 

Oddly, the best part from a dancing perspective anyways, is a series of non-Neil Diamond songs sung in a Neil Diamond style.

Having danced the night away with swaying señorita’s (or, in the case of T & A perhaps that should be señiorita’s) its off to sleep ready for breakfast and the journey home on Sunday

All in all, a great weekend. 

Tuesday 13 August 2019

Café Rouge

Back on July 22, I spent a lovely evening with Tina, Julia, Suzie and Chloe at Café Rouge in Windsor. It's a nice place, the food is good and the staff are great.

And here we are just before setting off (Suzie, Chloe, Julia, Andrea, Tina).



And at Café Rouge:



As always it was great to see everyone and catch up with what's happening.

On Thursday 1st August, Suzie, Chloe, Nikki and myself paid another visit and had a great time together and an excellent meal.