Ends and Beginnings

Tuesday was a TV dinner at Billie and Kathie’s.

But sadly it’ll be the last regular one though there may be occasional ones in the future.

Over the years both Billie and Kathie, the TV dinners and the people that go along to them have played a very special part in my life.

I first visited them on July 10 2007 as described here.

It was the first time that I met people outside of home when I was wearing wearing makeup that I’d put on myself.

At that time Billie and Kathie organised the Surrey Swans group and it was when I first went there on the last Sunday of July 2007 that I first ventured outside my own front door dressed as a girl.

Billie and Kathie invited Sally around for a meal so that she’d have a chance to meet another t-girl and the partner of one. There’s an account of that here. That has made a big difference to us both.

My first venture into Windsor as a girl was with Katie, who I met at Billie and Kathie’s. It’s described here. It’s sweet that last Tuesday I mentioned to Katie that we’re planning a School Uniform theme for Surrey Swans in July and she asked me if I still has the Spank Me knickers.

My first shopping trip as Andrea was with Billie on March 1st 2008 as described here.

My first trip to Sparkle was with Billie in June 2008 and it’s all documented here.

And also, Billie and Kathie’s place is where I met such lovely friends as Laura and Tina and Nikki bringing to mind thoughts of Pink Punters (I still have the sparkly Stargazer eye shadow) and Candy Girls. And Susan and Julia, who accompanied me to the Bridal Wear shop in Bracknell mentioned here.

In writing all of this because I just want to say a very big thank you to Billie and Kathie – for being who they are and for the difference that they have made to me. And also, I know, to many other people.

In a way it’s the end of an era. But, ends do lead to beginnings.

TV Dinners and how to deal with oozing boobs

Last Tuesday (February 12th) was a TV (as in TransVestite) dinner at Billie and Kathie’s.

Nice, as always, to meet up with friends.

Laura shared the fact that she’s had a little accident recently.

If memory serves me right, the culprit was something like a renegade wire in an underwired bra.

Anyway … one morning Laura picked up a boob (a lot of we t-girl’s have fully detachable bosoms) and discovered it was oozing silicone.

Her first thought was to get a hold of some superglue.

On second thoughts she used a sticking plaster and then consulted  Google.

It seems that silicone sealant works a treat.

And as you can see from the picture taken on the night it did the trick:

And if you ever experience a boob with a bra wire or even a cat’s claw, then there’s advice here.

It’s amazing what you learn at a TV dinner.

The other piece of trivia was provided by Katie. Did you know that palladium is hallmarked (like gold and silver). Kathie did.

And here am I, taken just after getting back from the evening out:

TV Dinners, Pictures and Sparkle

Last night was the occasion of one of the monthly TV (as in Transvestite) dinners at Billie and Kathie’s.

I actually managed to get there a little on the early side, for a change.

It was good to catch up with people a little.

Antonia had spent a short spell in hospital, but is looking really well now.

Laura is cool, as always. We talked a bit about music and about The Listening Project. She asked about the full length version of this … so if you make it this far, Laura, you can hear the whole thing by clicking here.

Kathie is busy knitting a pretty big blanket from lots of tiny squares.

Billie ran a half marathon not so long ago, but is taking a break from the running at the moment.

Tina has a nice tan … just back from a holiday in Italy.

Susan is maybe looking at a job involving training.

Jan has a new wardrobe.

Katie was explaining how people that phone her to ask about the dressing service that she offers ask some very odd questions. Like … whereabouts in Birmingham are you … when the advertisement mentions junction 6 of the M4 … which is quite a long way from Birmingham.

Adrianne arrived a bit late … first time visit … and took a wrong turn.

Carol had written to Farmers Weekly to talk about the woes of Internet access outside of cities.

On getting back home, just before taking of all of the makeup, I thought I’d try taking a few pictures. I take off makeup in the bathroom … hence the surroundings look a bit like … well … a bathroom.

I bought the dress at New Look a long time ago, but hadn’t gotten round to wearing it before.

Friday is the beginning of Sparkle 2012.

Tina and I are driving up on Friday morning.

I’m looking forwards to it a lot.

Tragedy, TV Dinners and Born Beautiful

There are times when I feel life is complex and full of difficult decisions.

The things that get reported on the news bring things back into focus.

Today there was news of the coach crash in Switzerland were so many people, mostly schoolchildren, were killed.

It makes all the difficult decisions seem so trivial in comparison.

There is a song by Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls) called The Philosophy of Loss which comes to mind. It includes the following:

Whatever has happened to anyone else
Could happen to you and to me
And the end of my youth was the possible truth
That it all happens randomly

And my youth ends, again.

Last night was a TV dinner at Billie & Kathie’s. The food and company was excellent as ever.

We discovered that Billie & Kathie were married for three years before they told almost anyone … only the registrar and a couple of witnesses knew. It was a revelation, and really funny as well, to hear of the pseudo-wedding that they had for friends and family after three years after the real thing.

It was quite a giggle as well to see Laura passing one of her puppies around. There were sensible kind of reasons for this … but I don’t remember what they were.

Laura mentioned that she had sent an email to The Coalition for Marriage to explain that she disagreed with them. That was really cool. She also signed the petition at The Coalition for Equal Marriage.

It was good, as well, to catch up a little with Nikki, while I hadn’t seen for a while, and also with Tina.

Last week I also discovered that Fiona Floyd is about to re-begin Born Beautiful. That was really great news. Back in 2007 Fiona was the person that first ever met Andrea. So Fiona is a really special person to me. Fiona has mentioned me as well on her testimonials page. I’m looking forwards to booking an appointment!

TV Dinners, Burqas and Fundamentalists

The TV dinner earlier in April was really good – well … they always are.

TV is for transvestite rather than television. It’s an all-girl evening (TV’s and partners) that happens on the second Tuesday of each month. I get along almost every month. There’s usually a dozen or so people … the company is great, the food fantastic and the hosts (Kathie and Billie) wonderful.

One of the stories in the news recently had been the new law in France that effectively bans the wearing of the burqa in public places. It’s a strange thing in a way, since the only place anyone would actually wear a burqa would be in a public place, precisely because it is a public place.

The TV dinner’s often have some kind of a theme. We joked a little about how a Burqa theme might save a lot of time and effort … we’d only need a little eye makeup.

For my own part, I think I feel uncomfortable when I see people in the Burqa in public. But I can imagine that there are people that feel uncomfortable when they see trannies in public.

Mostly I think that my life philosophy is one of live and let live. If someone wants to wear the Burqa, then that’s ok. So long as they don’t expect everyone else to do the same. The same goes for guys that like to wear makeup, wigs and dresses.

It’s not many years ago that a man wearing a dress in public in England might have gotten arrested.

I think the thing that I find most difficult about fundamentalist kind of beliefs of almost any kind is the way that it often leads people to begin to impose their own version of living upon everyone around them.

I guess it means that I’m intolerant of intolerance.

Pink Punters, Surrey Swans, TV Dinners, Ten Pin Bowling, Fingernails, Life, Death and Ecclesiastes

Since last writing things have been busy in a mostly nice kind of way.

Pink Punters on 4th December with Laura was a really nice evening. For a surprisingly long time we felt a little like the only TV’s in the village … but as the evening progressed more people arrived.

The photographer for the evening took these:

Laura and Andrea

And again …

 

The originals being here and here. And lots of the whole evening being here.

We talked a fair bit about life and the universe and things. Things that matter to us. Where we’ve come from. And the at peace kind of feeling that we have in being able to be ourselves.

It’s kind of interesting … we both see ourselves as transvestites and not transsexuals … and yet we bot feel that the girl in us is much nicer than the guy. Somehow there’s a sense of peace in Andrea that isn’t quite there in the masculine side of me.

There were no unusual incidents in the ladies.

On one trip to the dance floor a guy waved at me for some reason and we danced a little with a few of the girls there. A girl said she liked my dress a lot and asked where I’d got it … and we admired each others shoes.

A guy that had drunk rather a lot … or at least it seemed that way … came and sat beside Laura and started chatting. It wasn’t easy to make out what he was saying. After he put his hand on Laura’s leg a couple of times she explained to him he needed to keep his hands to himself. So he wandered off. No unpleasantness. And … well … Laura does have very nice legs.

We headed back to the hotel a little before 4:00 am so it was a relatively early night as nights at Pink Punters go.

The Sunday before that had been an evening at the Surrey Swans. Good to catch up a little with Billie and Kathie, Tina and Emma and others.

The Tuesday after (December 7th) was a Christmas TV dinner at Billie and Kathie’s. As always … excellent food and company. Nikki was there and had plenty to share about trips to all kinds of interesting places. It was great to see Laura, Julia, Tina and Katie as well as others. I was all red and white.. I’d borrowed a Christmas hat of Sally’s to wear so it was quite funny and sweet to see Laura wearing a very similar one. You know the kind … red with white fur trimmings and a white ball kinda thing hanging from the pointy bit. I think it was Nikki that said something about it being impolite to play with each others balls. We just smiled in an innocent girlie kind of way.

Last Saturday we were invited out to the Sunningdale Savoy Chorus Gilbert & Sullivan and Christmas Music evening by Anne and David. Two lovely people that Sally met quite a log time ago and I’ve known for quite a few years now as well. I occasionally help them out when they have computer problems and they are so sweet … they absolutely insist on making contributions to what Anne affectionately refers to as my “dresses fund”. The music was very good. The MC introduced one of the Christmas songs as being one of his favourites … In the Bleak Midwinter. This was also one of mine in days gone by. Especially the verses:

Our God, heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

These days I sit and listen to songs such as this … quietly wondering.

Towards the end of the evening we sat and drank and chatted a while. David and I wondered a little about where everything came from … big bangs … infinite universes … butterfly effects. And decided that really … we have no idea. Life is such a tenuous kind of thing.

Sally and I had some difficult words. I wish I was more Andrea more of the time. Not so much in a dressed up or made up kind of sense.

Yesterday the company night out was at a bowling alley in Slough. Ten pin bowling is not good for a girls fingernails … even when the girl is a guy. But … I scored a lifetime best … and top score of the evening. But … my poor nails. 

On Thursday is the funeral of Michael. His mum is staying with us tonight and tomorrow. There are no words to say. Perhaps there is a God that can help us all make sense of it someday. Over Christmas I’ll have a chance to read the book recommended by Dani that will, perhaps, help me make some kind of sense of it.

Life is such a mixture. It reminds me of a passage in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible:

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; 
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; 
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; 
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; 
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; 
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Or as it is here:

Somehow though, I think the thing is to try and work out some kind of way to have some kind of inner peace in all of this. But I don’t know how to do that.

Andreas Outings and Being Different

Last week was the first time in what seems ever so long that I had a trip out as Andrea. It was to a monthly TV Dinner at Kathie and Billie’s.

The food was excellent … as was the company.

Nikki had news of a recent trip to Pink Punters … an evening of champagne, good company and dancing. I was envious.

It was great to catch up with Tina, Julia, Tania and Katie as well as Billie and Kathie and everyone else.

I’ve heard really nice things about Femesque and am need of a change in hair and also makeup hints and tips are always welcome. So I hope to pay a visit sometime soon.

This coming Sunday, being the last in the month, is a Surrey Swans day. So that’ll be nice. And there’s a chance of a visit to Candy Girls with Tina in October.

I’m frequently challenged at my own attitudes to things and to people.

As a t-girl myself I have developed … or maybe acquired … a set of preconceptions.

Yet the transgendered “scene” challenges these fairly frequently.

Most t-girls that I’ve met are keen to express femininity in the way they dress and makeup.

Of course there is a particular kind of view of femininity here. And it’s not the only one. I’ll call this particular view of femininity “t-girl femininity”.

There are people in the transgendered community though that have a different view of things. People with beards … less makeup … stubbly chins … an unconventional dress sense.

There are t-girls who will only venture out into public because they feel they will not be spotted. And others that can’t venture out for fear of being spotted.

And there are ways in which a transsexual perspective on things can be quite different from a transvestite perspective.

When I go out I accept the fact that some people will spot me as a transvestite. But, something I learned from Fiona Floyd quite a while ago … that’s what I am. And so it need be no big deal. And yet …  it depends on who notices and how they react.

It is, I think, about accepting differences. People being able to accept transvestites like me as just being different. Just as I must accept other people in the transgendered community as being different. And all kinds of other people as being different.

Different isn’t bad. It’s not always easy. But in itself it isn’t bad.

Dinner, hobbies and personalities

Last Tuesday was the Christmas TV (Transvestite) Dinner at Billie and Kathie’s.

Excellent food and company.

We talked a little about where the transvestite thing fits into our lives.

In a way this seems to be connected to another question that two people have asked me about recently … about the meanings of the terms “cross dresser”, “transvestite” and “transsexual”.

The first time I ever wore makeup, Fiona Floyd shared with me her understanding of this, and I think it makes sense. The definitions are from a male kind of perspective and highly over simplified.

• Cross dresser – a guy that sometimes wears ladies clothing.
• Transvestite – also wears makeup and wig.
• Transsexual – someone that feels that they are a girl that has been born in a mans body.

The truth is, I know, much more complex.

Personally speaking, for much of my life I was an occasional cross dresser.

For the past few years I have been a transvestite – though really, I think, this has always been a part of who I am and that it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve felt the freedom to be able to

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express it.

I don’t believe that I am transsexual.

Of course, everyone’s experiences are different and I can only speak with any authority about myself.

In many ways the cross dressing seemed to be associated with eroticism and masturbation.

The transvestism is different. There are elements of eroticism associated with it, I know. But much, much more of it is about self expression. It’s who I am.

I remember the first makeover … and the sensation of self discovery that was associated with it.

At the TV dinner we talked a bit about that.

Sometimes, I think, it’s useful to look at the transvestite things as a kind of “hobby”.

In a way I can see that from some perspectives, a transvestite could be viewed as a guy that likes to play at being a girl once in a while.

But really, it’s more than that – for me at least. And for other transvestites that I know – Tina, Julia, Laura, Billie and Fiona to name just a few.

Andrea isn’t just a hobby to me. I am Andrea.

The freedom to express the femininity that is a part of me matters a great deal. I also accept the masculinity that is a part of me. Both are more than hobbies. Both are aspects of who I am.

Indigo, Dinners and Gatherings

I did get along to the Indigo Girls concert at Brighton on October 26th. In some ways it was similar to, and in other ways it was different from the Bristol concert.

The venue, Concorde2 is kinda nice. Not too big, not too small. And there is free parking right outside after 6:00 pm.

They played some of the same songs as at Bristol, but quite a few were different. Maybe this was partly because in addition to Amy and Emily, there was also Clare Kenny playing bass guitar and Carol Isaacs on accordion and keyboard. They both live in the UK and play fairly regularly with Indigo Girls in the USA. They played at Brighton because they happened to be around, and it was really nice.  For the first time ever live I heard them play Loves Recovery.

Stephanie Dosen played some songs at the beginning again. She said that she first got interested in playing music a long time ago after hearing Indigo Girls one time when she was babysitting. She’s 40 now … but looks a lot younger.

It was great.

Last night was a TV (as in transvestite) dinner at Billie and Kathie’s.

I wear my short black dress.

Sally says my bum looks a bit big in it.

There are round about 20 people there … a record attendance, I think.

As always, its great to catch up with people’s news.

Julia spent a few days in Bath and has been out and about quite a bit.

We talk about the why’s and wherefores of being a transvestite.

I mention that ever since Sally, my wife, accompanied me to a TV dinner she has been gently-ish pestering me to go along to a “Contemplative Fire” gathering with her. Each of us challenging our comfort zones.

To my horror, Julia thinks this is a fine idea.

I explain the discussions I’ve had with Sally … the reasons … or maybe excuses … that I have.

“Was that a girlie conversation or a guy one?” asks Julia.

“A guy one.”

“Ahhh I thought so” nods Julia knowingly.

Sally says that the gathering would be fine with the concept of Andrea. So who knows … maybe Andrea’s first outing to a churchy kind of thing will be to a gathering?

Then again.

Tina asks me about the story of Pink Punters and the front fastening bra.

“Why would anyone wear one?”

I know, I know, it is more liable to pop-open.

But it is my favourite.

We’re beginning to plan Sparkle 2010 … Tina, myself, Billie and Laura are planning to get there. And maybe others?

Nikki denies having a fetish for photographs in hotel corridors.

Tina thinks I don’t snore. At least not in Manchester.

Nikki thinks I breathe heavily whilst asleep and explains how useful the earplugs provided by Pink Punters can be.

I try to explain that I think Indigo Girls are musicians that are lesbian rather than lesbian musicians.

Short dresses and hold-up stockings are a risky combination. I think that the baby oil that I apply after showering maybe doesn’t help. The stocking tops are slowly sliding down my legs.

Katie is keen on an evening with a schoolgirl theme.

“So … who doesn’t have a schoolgirl outfit?

Only Kathie.

The second Tuesday of March 2010 is maybe the date.

Andrea and Sally go out to dinner

A few weeks ago … the second Tuesday of July (14/07/2009) to be precise, my wife Sally had her first experience of a transvestite get-together when she came along to the TV Dinner at Kathie and Billie’s.

She had met Laura, Billie, Kathie and Mandy before … but only ever one TV at a time and never outnumbered.

This evening provided an opportunity to be very outnumbered and to meet almost a dozen girls. It was also the first ever joint outing that Sally and Andrea have had.

So much has changed over the past couple of years.

As always it was a really nice evening … and even more especially nice than usual. Sally enjoyed it a lot as well.

It made me smile that Sally pretty much always referred to me using my “man name” rather than as Andrea.

Nicky mentioned that whilst on a night out not so long ago a girl (real as opposed to t) had asked if she fancied swapping clothing. The mind boggles.

Friends, school uniforms and apprentices

Last night was a TV dinner at Billie and Kathie’s. And, as always, it was great. Lovely company and fantastic food.

It was really nice to meet Mandy and begin to get to know her a little. And nice also to meet Helen and her partner. And also to catch up with Billie, Kathie, Laura, Julia, Susan, Nikki, Tania, Katie & co. Katie is still one of the few TV (in more ways than one) celebrities that I know.

The food theme was traditional English … so last month I had made a connection with school dinners and suggested a schoolgirl theme.

Well some people have better memories than others … don’t we Susan … so there were just the two of us in school uniforms. Susan’s looked more authentic than mine though … the ones from Ann Summers are cute but do lack that sense of total realism somehow.

Towards the end of the evening I stood up to change seats and heard a voice … “hey … what’s that” …

Andrea: “What’s what?”

Billie: “That. What’s it say? Stand up a minute.”

Andrea stands up.

Billie: “Lift up your dress. What does it say?"

Andrea (who is much to shy to do such a thing): “Ask Katie … she knows.”

Of course, Katie had gone by then.

And how come Katie knows anyway?

The answer is back in  January.

A little later, feeling less shy … it says “Spank Me”.

Of course, it is Ann Summers fault. She makes the short dresses and prints the words on the panties.

No one spanked me.

The pictures here were actually taken at Trans Femme by Nik … but the uniform is the very one. And no, Nik didn’t spank me either :)

 

Tonight I watched the tail end of “The Apprentice” on TV. I think that what bothers me is that people can be such apparent sods to each other and not feel any sadness about it. Everything seems like competition. Nothing seems like co-operation. I know that there are difficult decisions that have to be made. And that sometimes you have to chose between what seems to be the lesser of the two evils. But is there no way to do this with dignity? Of the three that faced the prospect of the wagging finger that means “you’re fired” … there was no dignity. Apart, maybe, from the person that was fired.

I think maybe a lot of it is about being afraid. At least, when I’m afraid I am a sod.

It seems strange, I know … a guy that likes to dress in a skirt and wear makeup … talking about dignity. Where is the dignity in that?

The only answer that I have is that it is me being me. And in being me I don’t want to destroy other people.

In a way, in my heart I think it’s even stranger that society … and maybe even Sir Alan himself … seems happier to accept the kind of behaviour that people demonstrate to each other on The Apprentice as being normal and reasonable than they do the concept of men attempting to express aspects of femininity.