A trip to Femesque

The Christmas before last Sally gave me a gift voucher for Femesque.

It’s been over a year but ... at last ... I’ve gotten round to using it.

I’ve met Lynne, who runs Femesque (and also a hair Salon), a couple of times before at the Surrey Swans ... you can read all about one of those events here.

I booked a Makeup Training lesson. That’s a lesson on how to put on makeup as opposed to a marriage guidance kind of thing.

I’ve been applying makeup for quite a few years now. But, like many people I guess, I have a tendency to stick with what I know. So I thought it would be useful to pick up some new tips.

I booked for 11:00 am until 1:00 pm and thought it would be a good plan to take the makeup that I currently use and get some feedback on that.

Friday night at about 8:00 pm I begin to prepare.

Collecting together things in my makeup bag.

Foundation. A couple of Kryolan TV Sticks that I bought from Charles Fox a while back as recorded here … and Max Factor that I usually use these days. Max Factor and Stargazer eye shadow along with some unbranded shadow and blush that I bought from Doreen’s Fashions. Kryolan Translucent powder. Rimmel lipstick and Maybelline lip paint. Rimmel eye liner. A small collection of brushes.

And then what to wear?

Short-ish skirt. Blouse. Hair. Shoes. Boobs. Underwear. Cardigan.

Watch. Necklace. Earrings. Bracelet. Rings.

Handbag. Purse. Comb. Shoes.

Still makes me smile thinking of the relative “complexity” of my life as a girl compared with that of a guy.

Saturday morning and it’s time to shower and shave and pack everything away.

An un-lady-like rucksack and a small carry case are loaded into the car.

Femesque are based in Aldershot ... about 40 minutes drive from Windsor. So at a little after 10:00 I set off in male-mode, planning to return en-femme.

The Sat Nav delivers me to the correct street a little before 11:00. I didn’t need the map that I printed out. But I have a suspicion that the day I don’t bother to print a map, is the day that the Sat Nav will all fall apart.

“Road ahead closed” says the sign. It looks like someone is doing some serious digging.

But I only need to get to the house just beyond the sign.

I drive around the sign.

No space in the driveway but no problem ... plenty of space along the roadside.

Collecting my bags I head for the door and ring the bell.

The door opens and I’m welcomed in.

People are very welcoming and friendly.

I take a seat and in just a minute or two Michelle introduces herself to me.

She’s a lovely lady from the Kilmarnock area of Scotland.

We talk a bit and I explain a little of what I’m looking for. A little like Bono and most everyone else I know ... I still haven’t found it.

We talk as I get changed.

I still remember my first ever makeup and re-reading about that brings back many sweet memories. At that time things that then seemed strangely normal in a weird sort of way, now just feel normal.

A new friend of mine, Rachel, has recently visited Femesque a couple of times. I know it was her first visit to such a place and, though she was quite nervous, she was made to feel really welcome and relaxed, just as I was. She enjoyed the whole experience enormously.

Boobs, blouse, skirt, shoes etc. in place it’s time to begin with the makeup.

Michelle is a great teacher.

Because I’m not a newcomer to makeup it’s not alien to me.

The plan is that she will make up one side of my face and I’ll do the other.

When I told Laura about this she thought it sounded like a real giggle:

“No ... not like that. It was more like ... Michelle applied some foundation to the lower right area of my face then I did the lower left. She applied some shadow to my right eyelid ... then I did the right. Taking it a little bit each in turn.” Well ... a few other things between the foundation and the shadow ... but you get the idea, I’m sure.

“Ah that’s ok then.”

And that was how it went. Unrushed and with explanations as to what was happening and why.

Michelle is a bit long sited and so put her specs on to add makeup to my face and took them off to see me in the mirror.

I’m short sighted so put my specs on to see myself in the mirror from my seat and took them off to see myself close up in the mirror.

I’m not new to makeup, but it was great to see things from another perspective and to get more of an idea about the things that work and the things that don’t work.

There’s a lot involved. These days I understand why ladies sometimes have a reputation of hogging the bathroom for hours before they go out. I know that I do.

Michelle is really good at explaining things though and taking things step by step. Making sure that I have the opportunity to try out everything that she explains and does. Checking that it’s making sense and I’m happy with it all.

The sequence is pretty similar to the sequence that I do things in. I remember in my early days I had a list of what to do and what order to do it in.

She has a whole lot of brushes and cosmetics, but since I brought a whole collection of cosmetics with me says that she’ll make use of them if I’d like.

First, something to help conceal the greyness caused by the beginnings of beard growth that sometimes can be a nuisance to t-girls. She notices that I have some non-shiny red lipstick. Paints a bit of it onto the back of her hand with a brush and then dabs a very thin layer onto parts of my chin and under my nose. The red will help conceal. I do the same on the other side of my face. I look as though I’ve been smooched.

 

And no. That’s not me. And the smooches were more like painted smudges.

Then some powder.

Next some of the TV Stick foundation. Again painted on the back of her hand with a foundation brush. From there onto the lower part of my face. I had two slightly different shades which get mixed on the back of her hand to produce a slightly different shade. It covers the lipstick. Then powder. Then the other side of my face.

Next comes some Max Factor foundation. Applied with a brush. It’s “thinner” than the TV Stick, but blends with it well. We tg’s typically need more foundation lower down on the face, and less further up. All part of the hide the potential beard kind of thing.

I hadn’t realised how easy it is to mix the different types and shades of foundation and have it all still work. Obvious really I guess.

Next it’s the eyes.

Michelle talks a bit about the shape of my eyes, my forehead and my brows. Different shades and patterns suit different shapes of faces. It’s about using the shades and tones to create an illusion. To emphasise some things and de-emphasise others. And it’s different for different people.

Eye shadow. Liner. Mascara. Then blush and lipstick.

The whole experience is a lot of fun and educational as well. I learned things and also was re-assured in the sense that I hadn’t been doing anything too odd myself.

Lynne called in to say hello ... it seems that next week they have a TV (as in television) crew filming a makeover as part of a programme.

At the end of February Lynne and Michelle are making a guest appearance at Surrey Swans ... with a makeover and hair theme. They think they’ll need a volunteer. I promised to be the volunteer if no one else would.

I bought a collection of brushes, so I now have at least one for every occasion.

Having arrived as a guy with a bag full of girl clothes, I pick up my bags of guy clothes, and happily set off home as a girl.

I know quite a few other t-girls that have visited Femesque over the past few years. And like all of them I had a great time!

A pictorial year in the life of ...

OK, at last, here are some links to some pictures.

I know ... I went a bit crazy and ended up posting way more than I was expecting to.

Part of it is to do with posterity. I thought that maybe one day it will be interesting for me to chart the life and times of Andrea in pictures. To see how the wrinkles develop ... how long I keep wearing skirts that are way too short and who knows what else.

So here goes.

The pictures you reach when you click

• here

were, in a sense, taken on the day that Andrea was born. They were all taken by Fiona Floyd in Portsmouth at the affectionately named Trannie Towers. As I've written earlier in this blog, May 6th 2007 was a really special day. It marked the beginning of a process of self discovery and self acceptance that has made a big difference to me. I'm still at the beginning of the journey and am meeting many, many lovely people along the route.

Fiona has been very influential in the way that I view the whole transvestite thing as it relates to me. For that I will always be grateful to her. Having moved on from Trannie Towers Fiona isn't doing the makeover, dressing and photo service that she used to. But hopefully she will get back into it again in the not so distant future.

I still remember a lot about that day very clearly. The amazement of how seemingly complex makeup was. The surprise at the idea of earrings and a necklace. And that first glimpse in the mirror. I was totally taken by surprise at the emotion that was invoked by this. The surprising sadness that I felt when the makeup came off. The release in meeting other guys that weren't ashamed of the fact that once in a while they like to dress up and go femme. A whole new world.

My favourite pictures in this set are definitely in the short black dress and blond hair . I keep on looking for something just like it in a shop somewhere so I can get one of my own. I posted some of these at TV Chix and someone did comment on how happy I looked. And I was ... and I am.

My wife was very brave in looking at these pictures the same day that I told her about them. I think she was kind of taken aback by the shortness of the dress ... and preferred the ones in the white top and not quite so short black skirt. Preferred is probably the wrong word here.

The photos at

• here

were taken on May 26th 2007, again at Fiona's. These were the first pictures of me in hair and boobs of my own ... well OK ... a wig and falsies of my own. I'd spent a long long time scouring the Internet looking for something that I liked. Kind of predictably I like the short denim skirt and black top best. I think you can tell that in the last few pictures I was fairly precariously balanced on a cupboard. I did manage to not quite fall off. I love the shoes. I'm not sure what it is about the flash of stocking tops ... it must be the heat of the spotlights.

The day was special because it was the first time Andrea ventured outside the walls of Trannie Towers. We spent a few hours round at a local pub. I spent quite a lot of the evening metaphorically pinching myself to check that I wasn't dreaming it all. I wore the denim skirt and black top.

Not long afterwards, the photos

• here

were again at Trannie Towers on June 9th 2007. I like the first few best. There's a St Trinians theme evening due at the Surrey Swans at the end of June and that kind of look would be fine for it. I know ... I am showing far too much underwear in the pictures later in the set. It's kind of strange how the photographic moment takes over leaving me surprisingly unselfconscious. And normally I am an extremely self conscious kind of a guy.

My wife still struggles a little with the way I behave. She says I am like a teenager. Well ... that I act like one at any rate. I know that I don't look like one! A lot of the TVs that I know are the same.

The last few pictures are fun ... well OK ... funny. But O like them.

That evening we went to a pub in Southampton (the London Hotel, I think). I wore the outfit from the last few pictures. This was the first time I got to talk with non-TV's whilst en-femme, so to speak.

And finally ... the pictures

• here

... were taken by Nik at trans-femme on June 8th 2008. Tracey did the makeup. A lot of the pictures are just slight variations of each other. I guess that I like the subtle differences. I like the ones with the black hair best. This surprised me a lot! You also get to see the little message on the panties included in the Anne Summers school uniform set. I didn't get spanked, by the way.

So ... that's it for now.

Let me now what you think.

Makeup and Pictures

A few weeks back I was chit chatting at TVChix (http://www.tvchix.com/) and had a conversation with a girl about a makeover service that I hadn’t heard of. Trans-femme is the place (http://www.trans-femme.co.uk/ ). It’s over a year since my last makeover and photo shoot so I thought maybe I’d give it a try. I got round to booking an appointment and it happened last Sunday. So ... here goes with a few thoughts on the experience.

In summary ... I had a wonderful time! And I love the photos ... I’ll post links to some later in this blog entry.

Nikki and Tracey who run Trans-Femme emailed me directions and some background information after I had contacted them.

Sunday morning I begin to think about what clothing I might take. My wife is away for the weekend and has taken the suitcase that I was thinking about packing. I know ... a suitcase seems over the top for a makeover and an hour or so of pictures. But ... you never know what you might wear. The feminine side of me has a liking for clothing choices that amazes me. This seems to be a passion shared by lots of tgirls.

The suitcase that I find first is bigger than the one that has gone, and so I am filled with an urge to fill it.

After twenty minutes or so I realise that I really do need to exercise some discretion here. I mean ... do I really need to take 5 dresses, half a dozen skirts, 10 tops, 6 pairs of shoes? Not to mention an insane number of pairs of panties, bras and stockings.

I spend a while putting things back in the wardrobe ... but in the end it’s still a bit of a struggle to close the suitcase.

At about 11:30 am I begin what is maybe the least feminine thing I need to do in preparation for makeup as I start to shave my face. Then it's a shower. Scent. Suspender belt. Stockings. Panties. Trousers. Shirt. Socks. Shoes.

The drive to Swindon takes a little less time than I was expecting. Just about an hour.

The suitcase is soooo big!

Nik and Tracey are lovely people. We have a cup of tea and chat for a while. An opportunity for them to explain to me how things work and to talk a bit about each other’s experiences. Very informal and nice. I feel really welcome.

I head out to the photo studio and makeover room with Tracey. It’s a separate building from the house. Although it’s a hot day, it’s fairly cool inside – though once the lights are on in the studio I know it will get warmer.

We chat as Tracey begins with the foundation. The atmosphere is relaxing. She’s happy to explain everything that she’s doing and if I like I can have a list of everything that she’s using together with typical prices and where they can be bought.

It brings back memories of the first makeover that I had at Fiona Floyds. There are similarities and differences.

The similarities include things like the friendliness, the sense of acceptance, the informality, and the knowledge that it’s ok to be myself here.

The differences are mostly in me. There is now a sense of familiarity in the feeling of makeup on my face. The eye liner and mascara don’t feel weird. Just over a year ago at Fiona’s it was as though I was meeting a new person in Andrea – or at least a new part of me. I think I had always been aware of the feminine side of my character, but with the help of Fiona the femininity was able to take on a whole new dimension.

That very first time I was unsure of myself. I didn’t really know what I was doing or why I was doing it.

In lots of ways I still don’t understand why. But I am happy that it is an expression of me. I am happy with myself. I enjoy the girl that is in me. I enjoy the man that is in me as well. I know that I don’t need to be afraid or ashamed.

It means that as Tracey applies powder, and blush that I can enjoy the experience without having the burden of the worries that I used to have.

We talk a bit about the different techniques that she uses compared to my own and about common experiences.

I also get the feeling that if this had been my first ever makeup then this would have been a lovely time and place to experience it.

I know this may not make any sense at all to guys that don’t do makeup. But, there seems to be something special about someone else taking the time and trouble to do it all. It’s a relaxing kind of experience. And there is ... ok these days I’m not the kind of person that is into “spirituality” ... a sense of transformation that is spiritual, if the term spiritual includes a sense of peace and meeting oneself.

For me, the makeup is something that helps me feel in touch with myself.

It’s nice to not be in a rush. It’s nice to not worry about making a mistake. It’s nice to talk.

There’s a sense of familiarity as eye shadow, liner and mascara are applied. Lipstick and gloss.

Once that’s all done, Tracey leaves me alone for a while and I begin to select what to wear. I brought my collection of wigs – all three of them. There are also loads and loads of wigs that I can try out of I feel like it. During our chat I’d decided to go for photos in 4 different outfits with different hairstyles for each. The pictures show what they look like.

Once I’m all ready Nik drops by with the camera. The lights go on in the studio and the photos begin. Straightaway I like Nik a lot. Full of encouragement and helpful suggestions. He
explains things that are likely to “work” and also why. He’s great ... full of advice but not at all a dictator. I really am convinced that what he wants is for me to really enjoy the time and to get some great photos. And I did.

This is another thing that I suspect will make no sense at all to a person that has never experienced it. And I guess it doesn’t work for everyone. But, honestly, if you still feel like adding anything to the list of things that you’d like to do before you die then, unlike contact lens trials, having a photo session really is something you should go for.

There is something I find liberating about the experience. It’s a strange contradiction somehow. There I am in front of the camera. Posing for all I am worth. And yet ... the posing is deliberate and it’s obvious. Yet, the smiles are real smiles. So different from the posing that can be part of everyday life. The kind where the posing is done in secret and the smiles are fake. Does that make any sense?

It’s so strange. The rolling on the floor, the sidelong glances, the lifting of the hem of my skirt are very un-me. And yet, they help me to relax into being myself in a way that doesn’t happen nearly often enough.

Photo shoots like this have given me the most feminine and girlie kind of sense of self-awareness that I remember. Makes me think of a Doris Day song that I remember from years ago – “I enjoy being a girl”. I just looked up the lyrics ... and well, it doesn’t all apply, but it gives a sense of the feeling. It’s that kind of feeling that I have as the camera shutter clicks.

Nik mentions that they also do all kinds of other types of photo sessions. Maybe one day my wife would like to sit in and watch – or even be made up and give it a try. I’d like that a lot. I guess it is more out of the ordinary to be photographed with your husband when you are both wearing skirts and makeup than it is to spend an afternoon playing golf with him. But honest, I am a lot better at putting makeup on than I am at putting a golf ball.

Another three outfits and hairstyles and over 300 pictures later it’s time to change into something a little more discrete for the drive home. I put on the long black and white polka dot dress that I started the session with together with shoes that have a smaller heel. I manage to fit everything back into the suitcase.

We chat unhurriedly. Tracey has the pictures copied onto a CD and we have a look at them on the computer. I love them. Tracey says which she likes best ... and yes ... I like it a lot as well.

We carry on talking and I know that I’ll be visiting again.

And now for some of the pictures. I’ll add in my next blog entry ... and I'll post some links to a wider selection in another blog entry. At the time of writing, there are also some at http://www.trans-femme.co.uk/page_1191079685531.html - I’m Andrea June 2008.

Well ... ins summary ... the experience was totally wonderful ... delightful ... and way more than highly recommended! Give it a try!

Thankyou Tracey and Nikki xxx.

One small step

In retrospect ...

Yesterday I went to visit Fiona for a makeover and photos.

My wife is away a few days ... she'd suggested maybe it would be nice to visit Fiona - it was really nice that she did.

I arrived in Portsmouth a little after noon. Was good to meet with some friends of Fiona's.

During the afternoon Fiona asked if I'd like to go out to a local pub in the evening. Gosh ... yes!

After the makeup and pictures I watched TV a bit, had a glass of wine and chatted with Lauren and Fiona. In the early evening Kelly arrived.

At round about 8:00 pm we headed downstairs. I felt a lot less nervous than I expected. I think that deep down I had decided that more than almost anything I wanted to give Andrea a chance to step outside. And yet ... there was a sensation of nervousness.

So ... the front door opened and Andrea took her first stiletto heeled steps into the big wide world.

It was raining so there weren't many people about as we walked fifty yards or so to the car. I don't know if the few people that were there paid us any attention. I suspect not - more interested in getting in out of the rain than watching a few trannies wandering around.

We got into the car. I remembered the DVD that I had watched about applying makeup. It had a session on deportment. So ... I took my shoes off before I started the engine.

Then a couple of miles to the pub.

Park the car. And ... open the door ... and walk into the pub.

Lots of people ... and well lit.

I really didn't know how I was going to feel about this.

Just followed Fiona round the bar. There were a couple of other t-girls there. But mostly the place was full of people just having a drink and listening to the band.

In a way I felt people looking over at us.

But not in a hostile way.

It felt OK.

It would be easy to over emphasize this ... over dramatise it ... overstate it.

But, I do remember standing there talking and sipping at a glass of wine and feeling that at last ... this part of me that has been hidden away for so long ... at last she's been able to step outside into the world. And not feel ashamed. And not feel guilty. I could just be me. One of the nicest and most fulfilling moments of my life.

I talked with Lauren, Nikkie, Kelly, Carol and Neena. A few other people just drinking at the pub came over and talked a little as well.

As with almost all trips to a pub there came that inevitable moment when the capacity of the bladder is insufficient for the moment.

So ... I checked ... is it the Ladies or the Gents? And was told it was the Ladies.

So ... my first visit to a Ladies at a pub - well ... except for one time when I went through the wrong door by accident.

At closing time we got a taxi back to Fiona's. Stayed up very late talking.

This morning I drove back home. The only remaining makeup was the nail polish that I left on my fingernails.

This whole thing has been more special than I had ever imagined it could possibly be. A million miles from my imaginings.

It's strange that sometimes when a fantasy becomes a reality it's a big big let down. This reality is so much better than I ever thought.

I remember talking with Lauren last night about my wife. About how she was coping with Andrea being around. Lauren said to me that in my position that would make her feel more love for her. And that's how it feels to me as well.

Kelly drove me round to the pub to collect the car from the night before. We talked about wives and kids and things. I said how grateful I was that y wife wasn't freaking out ... and that I realise that it can't be easy for her ... that if the situation were reversed I'd find it difficult as well. Kelly said ... "yes ... if she started wearing a moustache and beard ...". That made me smile. But also, it made me thankful of my wife's attitude.

Fiona Floyd ... thank you! I do know that you know how much this means to me because I've told you. But anyway ... it doesn't do any harm at all to say some things more than once.

Another appointment

In retrospect ...

Made another appointment at Fiona's for a makeover for the bank holiday at the end of May (26th).

Amazing how feelings change. I'm eager that one day I'll be able to step outside into the world as Andrea. Not so long ago I couldn't have even imagined that as a possibility.

I've been chatting with a few t-girls at TVChix and it's been reassuring to know that I'm not so different.

Yesterday I had a makeover

In retrospect ...

My wife arrived home today.

We talk about how things had been with her. At some point in the conversation:

"I went for a drive yesterday."
"Oh ... where to?"
"Portsmouth."
"What did you do."
"I had a makeover"

Moments of silence.

"A makeover?"
"Makeup ... clothing photos."
"Oh."

No freaking out. Just an acceptance. An acceptance ... not a resignation.

She doesn't want to know my other name yet. Not sure about seeing the pictures.

A little later when she is checking email I mention that the pictures are on the computer. So we look at some of them together.

No freaking out .. but later I learn that seeing me with makeup and hair ... not just the clothing ... is kind of a shock. A different kind of ball game. But still she accepts me ... is willing to see where it leads. She doesn't understand it ... but nor do I.

She prefers the pictures in the white blouse and skirt ... the short black dress it too ... well sexy or something. That's why I like them best I guess.

A birthday

In retrospect ...

Makeover day!

Woke at maybe 9:00 am. Shaved ... everywhere. Fretted a bit about what clothes I should take ... in the end opting just for lingerie.

Had second and third thoughts. But I tell myself that I've paid the deposit and I hate letting people down.

As 10:30 am arrives I get in the car and begin the drive to Portsmouth. No one knows that I'm doing this. What happens if the car breaks down ... if I have an accident? Thoughts of buses and being run over pass through my mind.

Not sure if I feel frightened or just nervous and excited. Perhaps all three.

Wondering if I am completely crazy.

Wouldn't it be easier to just stay at home?

The M3 and A3 are not my friends. Part way there phoned Fiona to say I was going to be 20 minutes or so late. It was a bit strange to find I was speaking to someone with a very blokey voice. Why I would have expected anything else I have no idea. We only spoke for a few moments ... I called her Fiona ... she called me Andrea. No one had ever called me Andrea before.

Twenty minutes late I arrive in Portsmouth ... having taken a minor accidental detour near the end. The M27 isn't much of a friend either.

Parked the car on Pink Road. Somehow the name of the road seemed quite appropriate. At the end of the road is the house with the sign Born Beautiful. I ring the doorbell and wait.

The door opens ... it's Fiona. Fiona is drab - dressed as (and looking like) a bloke. Needs a shave.
We walk upstairs to the flat.

I'm introduced to Kerry and also to a t-girl friend of theirs. We are all drab.

Fiona introduces me as Andrea. We talk a while ... she asks about my dressing ... my wife. Nothing intrusive. I feel that if I want to say nothing then it's OK to say nothing. In fact I feel that here is someone that cares about what I'm experiencing. Understands the confusion that I feel. Is willing to listen. I like Fiona.

She asks if my wife knows I'm here today. I say "no". "Maybe you'd like to tell her sometime" says Fiona. No hint of compulsion or judgement or criticism in her voice. Just understanding. I begin to think that maybe I will tell my wife.

As we all talk I find it odd. People talking about guys but using girls names and referring to each one as she. The need to differentiate at times between t-girls (transvestites) and girls.

Though the conversation is strange it feels OK. Just ordinary people that like to wear dresses. Kind of like me. Here I am talking about dressing in skirts and things and no one is uptight about it.

Fiona asks what I'd like to do. If I'd like some photos taking outdoors maybe. This is mind boggling. Outside? Me? Dressed as a girl? Ha ha!

I feel relaxed though ... well a lot more relaxed than I was expecting to feel. Not that I really know what I was expecting.

We go up more stairs to the studio. A little guided tour ... clothes ... wigs ... shoes ... makeup ... lights ... cameras.

I choose some clothing. Decisions decisions. I have no idea of style or colour. No idea about what might look good. I select a short black skirt, white blouse, a short velvety-satin black dress and a maids outfit. It seems that the maids outfit is quite popular.

All the time we are chatting ... I talk about my experiences ... Fiona listens ... and shares lots of little anecdotes. This whole thing seems normal in an abnormal kid of way.

I have my own underwear so ... before the makeup I put it on. Here I am getting naked in front of Fiona ... a bloke at the moment. And then putting on a basque with white stockings. I need some help ... fastening suspender dangly things to stocking tops is not a skill I have fully mastered (should that be mistressed?). For some reason the one at the back left is always a problem!

The basque needs some padding ... so Fiona passes me a couple of ... well ... the word tits fits the bill. In they go.

White blouse and short black skirt.

Here I am ... dressed as a girl ... looking like a bloke ... talking with Fiona who is dressed as a bloke and looks like a bloke. And it doesn't seem weird. Now that is weird.

I put on a smock, sit back in the chair and the makeover begins.

I never knew that makeup was so complicated.

Foundation ... lots of it ... all over my face and neck ... powder ... eye shadow ... three shades ... eye liner ... mascara ... blush ... lip liner ... lipstick ... lip gloss. It goes on and on. All the while chatting with Fiona. She explains what she's doing and why. No way am I going to remember this. We share thoughts and feelings. These I will remember.

And then we are ready. Time to choose some hair.

I get out of the makeup chair ... and sit in front of the mirror. My specs are still off so everything is kind of out of focus. I put my specs on while Fiona gets the hair. The plan is to try a few different styles to see what I like.

The first one ... long and dark.

A necklace. Earrings. Shoes.

I look into the mirror.

Ohhhh ... ohhhhhh .... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

It's like Andrea has just been born. Sunday May 6 2007 ... must have been about 2:00pm.

Since that moment I've chatted with a few people that have had exactly the same experience.

Not easy to catch the feelings. I don't know what I was expecting ... but whatever it was ... this was so much better than it. Whatever fantasies I'd dreamed up in the past ... the reality was so much better.

It felt like ... like a part of me that had been hidden away in secret my whole life was suddenly free.

I know ... I know ... all I saw in the mirror was a guy in a skirt with makeup and a wig.

But that's soooooo much of an oversimplification. A bit like saying that all I see whenever I look in the mirror is just a load of water mixed with a few chemicals. Whilst it's true that is part of what I see ... it's not all that I see.

Seeing myself as Andrea for the first time was ... well ... Fiona later said she could see that it was a pivotal moment. I remember her hugging me and saying "hello Andrea". I hugged her back. Too blokey still to cry ... but deeply moved and tears not far away.

Then some photographs.

Awkward at first but relaxing as time passes.

The short dress with a change of hairstyle ... blond. Fresh shoes and black stockings.

The poses are a little cheekier.

Then the maids outfit. Laddered my stockings!

The poses cheekier still.

And then it's over.

Fiona mentions http://www.tvchix.com/ as a place to talk with other TVs.

I wash the makeup off ... saying goodbye to Andrea ... and yet not goodbye.

On getting home I look at the pictures on the CD that Fiona gave me. And I email her.

It definitely ranks as of one of the nicest experiences that I've ever had. I felt welcomed and accepted.

And the photographs .... I love them ... I really do ... especially the ones in the party dress. I love the hair ... the make up ... you really have helped me get in touch with myself in a way I didn't know was possible. Thank you ... thank you ... thank you!

My whole perspective on some things has shifted. I never ever in my remotest dreams imagined that there could ever be a time when I could be myself with a group of other people. And now I feel that it is possible. Such a sense of freedom.

It was strange driving back ... it almost seemed like I was leaving myself .. Andrea ... behind ... and yet I know that Andrea is me ... and always will be ... and I feel good about that.

Tomorrow when my wife gets back I'm hoping that I'll get an opportunity to tell her about things ... and hope that she will be willing to look at the photos ... well ... the first two sets at least ... and I hope that she'll like them ... or at least not feel too threatened or worried about them.

I have a profile on TVChix now ... AndreaW. I hope you like the pictures that I selected.

I chatted with a few t-girls at at TVChix. Vicky was really sweet. mentioned make up classes at Charles Fox in Covent garden as a possibility. Vicky knows Fiona as well.

I'm resolved to tell my wife about it when she gets home.

An appointment

In retrospect ...

Fiona replied. A really sweet email.

A paragraph that made me stop and think:

Having told your wife now, and her understanding and accepting things the trick now is to not become over pushy ... remember she is the Lady of the house ... and that she still needs to be cherished and put on a pedestal. Andrea is part time she your wife is full time ... don't forget the odd card or flowers to say thank you for her understanding ... it goes a long way.

I replied and booked for Sunday May 6 2007 at 12:00 noon. My wife is away over the weekend ... I've no idea what I would say to her if I told her. So no one else knows.

Fiona Floyd ...

Written in retrospect ....

I discovered Fiona's web site during April. The thought of being made up and having a wardrobe of stuff to try on and having pictures taken is intriguing. That's definitely not the right word. Anyway ... interesting enough for me to email her today.

It's nice that the web site includes a bit of biography about both Fiona and Kerry. In my email I wrote a little about myself ... mostly my cross dressing and where that had come from and how I was unsure about where it was going.

Some of the things that I mentioned in the email:

I feel though that I'm still at the beginning of something ... self discovery I guess.

Dressing for me is somewhat of a challenge. I'm a little over 6ft tall and have size 11 feet. I have, however, found that skirts and dresses of size 16 fit quite well ... and that a bra size 38 is a little tight. I realize that it will be a challenge to make me look feminine ... but at the same time I am longing for the opportunity.

I like to wear quite varied clothing ... love the feel of a long loose skirt swirling round my legs ... but also feel very sexy in something much shorter.

The description of your Dressing Service seems perfect. A selection of clothing .. a makeover ... learning the beginnings of how to apply makeup ... a hairstyle ... jewellery and painted nails. All of this is ... well ... perfect. And the chance to be photographed as well!

So ... I asked if an appointment over the coming bank holiday weekend was a possibility.

This email is special. For some reason I felt that I needed a feminine name ... and in just a few moments Andrea was conceived.