Barbados, Life and the Universe

Last night was a TV Dinner at Billie and Kathie’s. Tina had recently got back from a holiday in Barbados. She had spent some time travelling around and noticed that the bus stops had names. There was an Andrea and a Tina. Kinda cute.

Today I had a mid afternoon / late lunch stroll.

Looking up into the trees … the sky mostly grey.

Was it going to rain?

Where am I?

This was a philosophical kind of question. A “what kind of a universe is this that I live in” kind of thing. Where did I come from? Where am I going?

Every so often I have these kind of thoughts. Once in a while I’ve written about them. Here are some of todays musings.

OK. What kind a universe is it? What are the possibilities? Here’s three of a potentially infinite number.

Number One

Maybe it just happened. It’s just happening. We’re born. We live. We die. That’s it. A new series started on the BBC … Wonders of the Universe. The first in the series was Destiny. Sixty minutes of professor Brian Cox.

Here’s the blurb:

Having explored the wonders of the solar system, Professor Brian Cox steps boldly on to an even bigger stage - the universe.

Who are we? Where do we come from? For thousands of years humanity has turned to religion and myth for answers to these enduring questions. But in this series, Brian presents a different set of answers - answers provided by science.

In this episode, Brian seeks to understand the nature of time and its role in creating both the universe and ourselves. From an extraordinary calendar built into the landscape of Peru to the beaches of Costa Rica, Brian explores the cycles of time which define our experience of life on Earth. But even the most epic cycles of life can't begin to compare to the vast expanse of cosmic time.

For instance, just as the Earth orbits the Sun, the solar system orbits the entire Milky Way galaxy. This orbit takes a staggering 250 million years to complete.

Ultimately, Brian discovers that time is not characterised by repetition but by irreversible change. From the relentless march of a glacier, to the decay of an old mining town, the ravaging effects of time are all around us. The vast universe is subject to these same laws of change. As we look out to the cosmos, we can see the story of its evolution unfold, from the death of the first stars to the birth of the youngest. This journey from birth to death will ultimately lead to the destruction not just of our planet, but also the entire universe, and with it the end of time itself.

Yet without this inevitable destruction, the universe would be without what is perhaps the greatest wonder of all; the brief moment in time in which life can exist.

Not so long ago I heard that really there are an infinite number of universes … some different … some the same … everything that was possible was certain to be happening in an infinite number of these infinite universes.

Now I’m told that actually time is due to end in a trillion, trillion, trillion … and a lot more trillions of years time. And time will end then because at that point nothing will be changing. And if nothing is changing then time isn’t happening. Obvious isn’t it.

But what about the other infinite universes?

I find this type of program a little infuriating in the sense that it answers no questions. Fair enough … it provokes lots of them which is great.  But the  blurb suggests that there are new scientific answers.

So … what did it say about where I came from and where I am going? A summary of the sixty minutes of science is … well … the universe started and it’s going to end. And the blame lies fairly and squarely with the second law of thermodynamics.

I guess this universe has no god. No meaning other than whatever meaning we choose to give it. It points in the direction of nihilism. I’m not sure that I would class this as a wonder.

Number Two

Or maybe God made the universe? What kind of God? Maybe God made it to be fine and dandy. Maybe we messed it up. Maybe God is very pissed off at us. Maybe he (definitely not a she) goes to Westboro Baptist church. He hates America. Fags. Fag enablers. He’s not at all happy.

 

Hate and Hell. Served with a smile.

I guess it’s possible.

Perhaps its inevitable in one of the infinite universes?

But I think these people must have deep seated psychological issues.

I’m finding this surprisingly hard. To look at the smiling faces and read the words.

I’m finding it hard to not just conclude that these people must be sick in some way. Or maybe it’s that they are desperately afraid.

I guess what I think wouldn’t worry anyone much, since I’m pretty sure that the God that goes to Westboro Baptist church also would hate Andrea passionately.

There are other possible flavours to this God. Encapsulating the fears of a plethora of different groups on the extremist edges of  Islam, Judaism,  Christianity. To name just three.

Number Three

Or maybe God is working out some kind of a plan … and maybe God loves people. Maybe there’s a heaven. And maybe it will all work out fine and dandy in the end.

But I guess the evidence is more than a little ambiguous.

My thoughts and feelings on this issue don’t affect whatever the reality is, I know. It’s either one, two or three or something completely different.

I hope, though, that it isn’t a Westboro Baptist kind of thing. Nihilism has a soft and cuddly kind of aura in comparison.

I don’t know what the truth is.

But, my thoughts and feelings over recent months have been influenced by Dani … or at least the book recommended by Dani … A New Kind of Christianity. Of which I’ve written before.

Whatever the truth is … there is something special about the term Christ like. Without needing to adopt a whole load of additional set of beliefs, doctrines or traditions.

Not a long long list of “thou shalt not” statements.

Things to be and do. Not things to not be and avoid.

I’m finding myself leaning more and more towards the though that the way that Jesus dealt with people … cared about people … is a good kind of thing.

In the days that I counted myself as a Christian I felt the same.

What’s different is that I’m moving towards a position where I can feel ok about that even as a not-knower. And beginning to be ok with the idea of learning to be more like the kind of person that Jesus was … or is … just because he was a good kind of person … without having to believe in the infallibility of the Bible or that God is against homosexuality. Or a million other things.

Even if the universe is meaningless. I think there is value in this.

It’s a bit like starting all over again. But without having to hide a whole load of gender issues. Being able to try to be like that and also be myself. Without pretending to be someone else.

There’s a song by Amy Ray called Shame on you.

 

It includes the following lyrics:

My friend Tanner, she says y’ know,

“me and Jesus we’re of the same heart,

the only thing that keeps us distant

is that I keep fuckin up”

Whatever else is true, I think that is.

Fostering homosexuality?

Earlier this week there was a news item concerning a Christian couple that had been refused the right to act as foster carers for children. One of the articles about it is here

I think this article is a bit misleading. When it says:

because they are unwilling to promote a homosexual lifestyle to a child

I don’t think anyone was requiring them to promote a homosexual lifestyle. It was more that they were being required not to denounce it.

I think the article is unbalanced and unreasonable in some of its other assertions:

• The fact that a view was mainstream until recently proves nothing
• Strongly held religious views can just as easily be evil as good
• Whether or not the views are directly relevant to the children or not isn’t necessarily the most important thing
• Moral certainties are more dangerous than beliefs

But there are also problems and unanswered questions.

Is it ok to have these views and have your own children? Are you allowed to tell the children about your views? 

But you aren’t allowed to foster other children.

But can you teach them? So long as you don’t tell them what you believe. Do you have to be hypocritical?

Really, I think we need to learn and continually re-learn to accept the differences that exist in other people. Religious differences. Physical differences. Gender differences. Racial differences. Differences in thoughts. In feelings.

These people are allowed to feel the way that they do about homosexuality. Just as I’m allowed to feel the way I do about religion and gender.

What matters more is how they and I … we … deal with these issues.

How they would teach children they care for to deal with them.

What if a child that they were taking care of was gay? Or had a brother or sister that was? Or a friend. An uncle? An Aunt? Would they be accepting and loving? Or casting out? Or visiting prayer groups and demon casting?

The articles in the press that I’ve read don’t ask or answer these kind of questions. And so they seem to maybe be missing the point.

Windsor, Cafe Rouge, Johnny Cash and Dangly Bits

The other weekend Laura and I paid Windsor a visit. It was a quiet kind of evening. Laura arrived at about 5:00 pm. We chatted a little then drove into town. Parked in the Victoria Street multi storey car park and walked along St Leonard's Road a bit, up along Peascod Street, down Thames Street and into the Central Station and visited Cafe Rouge.

Here .. or there … we are:

As pretty much always, no one paid us any untoward attention. The service and the food were great.

Eventually we wandered back to the car and drove back.

We sat and drank beer and wine … and a tiny little whisky until the early hours. Chatting and listening to music. Quite a mix. Johnny Cash … kind of Country and yet not Country.

And I have at last remembered that I have been planning, for a long time, too look up Johnny Cash singing Hurt. And here it is in the context of a BBC interview:

And here, just the song without the interview:

 

It is, as Emma said at Surrey Swans last night, a very moving song.

There was also some Indigo Girls and Chris While and Julie Mathews. And a whole lot of other stuff.

At one point in the evening we somehow got talking about Nikki’s escapades. Being asked by a girl at Pink Punters if she had a visible camel toe. Bra fitting at Marks & Spencer’s. And swimming.

The swimming was a new one on me.

In a bikini?

Laura didn’t recall the details.

But … what about the anatomy? Isn’t it even more of a give-away than the voice? You know? The dangly bits?

Not necessarily Laura informed me.

At this point Andrea is intrigued.

So … how do you mean?

Well, you just hide things away where they came from.

Uhm … so how do you mean?

Laura explains a bit more.

But doesn’t it hurt?

Don’t they … well … pop out?

We had drunk a few beers and glasses of wine between us by this time.

Does it really work?

Well … as they say … seeing is believing.

So.

Ok I believe.

The music carries on playing.

Well … I giggle … at least I didn’t take any pictures.

Laura is always up for a challenge.

So here you go. See and believe:

 

Click here for the detail if you ever wanted to know. The English is a little quaint … though that somehow adds to the thing. Over 198,000 views and 108 comments, so someone somewhere is interested. Mainly in Poland, it seems.

There is a sense of understatement here, don’t you think:

During first tries, you shall be very careful.

I’m happy to agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment.

Calvinists, Christian Soldiers and Jesus

Over the weekend I was talking with Amanda.

Once upon a time she used to go to a Calvinist chapel, though now she has no belief in God.

I don’t know her well, but she really does seem to be a lovely, honest, genuine kind of person.

She was saying that although she has left the chapel behind, it had some good points. No super expensive extravagant buildings. An emphasis on the simple and the sincere. A bit like the feeling you get about Jesus if you read the gospels.

Of course … Calvinists have issues of their own to contend with.

Last night for some reason the tune of Onward Christian Soldiers came to mind. And the thought … how could anyone come up with lyrics like that from reading the gospels? I find it impossible to imagine Jesus singing a song expressing those kind of feelings.

It makes me think of some of the passages from A New Kind of Christianity that Dani recommended. The idea of understanding the Bible through Jesus in the gospels rather than interpreting Jesus through the letters in the New Testament.

It’s really hard to imagine Jesus fighting in a war. Any kind of a war.

I think the only people that Jesus really criticised were the leaders of his own religion. He didn’t get angry about the Romans or the Greeks. Or adulterers. Or sinners really. But about Scribes and Pharisees. I think that the thing he really didn’t like was hypocrisy.

It’s hard to read many of the things that Jesus is reputed to have said and disagree.

But the things that the churches say? Well. That's a different kind of story.

Watersheds, Human Planet and Morality

The BBC are currently showing a series of programmes entitled Human Planet.

It’s shown between 8:00 and 9:00 pm on Thursdays and, according to Wikipedia at any rate, is due for international release sometime soon.

The episode broadcast on 17th February was Grasslands.

Part of the program featured the Suri of Ethiopia. Keepers of cattle who take the protection of their cattle “to extremes”. They fight battles over cattle. Cattleherds must become warriors. Stopping at nothing to defend their herds. “I will defend my cattle with my own death. Cattle are everything to me. they’re all I’ve known since childhood”. Cattle are currency. Too valuable to kill. cared for intimately. One of the warriors fights an annual trial of courage to prove he’s got what it takes. Getting strength straight from his cows, by drinking their blood. It may look brutal … but it doesn’t kill them.

 

The ritual itself is named Donga. It looks like this:

If you lose, it can look a bit like this:

The thing I find a little strange about this is that there is a theoretical 9:00 pm watershed. TV stations such as the BBC abide by this. Before 9:00 pm, the theory goes, programs should be suitable for younger viewers. The sex and violence is toned down.

It seems strange to me that it’s ok to show cows being shot in the neck and naked men beating each other to a pulp with sticks before 9:00 pm.

But how about an in-love, monogamous, happily  married couple making love. Well no … of course. That would be pornographic. Wouldn’t it? And … if I posted pictures like that here I’d need to mark my blog to indicate that it included adult content.

I can’t help but think that it’s an ethically and morally strange kind of world that we live in.

On Casting Stones

A little while ago on the TV news there was an item about two people being stoned to death in Afghanistan. There’s information about it here and here. 

I found it saddening. Appalling.

I know that this personal face-to-face kind of violence isn’t the only way that people hurt people.

Societies hurt whole societies as described here. And when a society hurts another society …. really it is people that are hurting people. But in an impersonal kind of way.

Today while I was walking at lunch time I was thinking about the casting of stones. Of the way that at times it’s easy to pass judgement upon others and exact some kind of punishment.

I then thought of this story written in the New Testament:

Early the next morning Jesus went back to the Temple. All the people gathered around him, and he sat down and began to teach them. 
The teachers of the Law and the Pharisees brought in a woman who had been caught committing adultery, and they made her stand before them all. 
"Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. In our Law Moses commanded that such a woman must be stoned to death. Now, what do you say?" 
They said this to trap Jesus, so that they could accuse him. But he bent over and wrote on the ground with his finger. 
As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened up and said to them, "Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her." 
Then he bent over again and wrote on the ground. 
When they heard this, they all left, one by one, the older ones first. Jesus was left alone, with the woman still standing there. 
He straightened up and said to her, "Where are they? Is there no one left to condemn you?" 
"No one, sir," she answered.

"Well, then," Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again.

The story is in video here:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k0RzhVJSxE

I was struck by one of the comments left there:

“ive made fun of jesus b4 i feel kinda bad now hes way cool for doing this, if only the religious nutters like the westboro baptist church wud follow his true beliefs”

It sort of fits in with the idea that to be like Christ isn’t necessarily to be like people at some churches at least.

Life is so much more than following a set of rules in a book.

On a different, but related theme, I discovered this as well:

 

Have a listen. What do you think? Wow.

Christlike transvestites

Happy 2011!

Christmas time was good … in a secular kind of way. The past few days we’ve been in Llanbedrog – a small village on the Lleyn peninsula in North Wales and 2011 was seen in at the Nefyn & District Golf Club just a few miles away.

A few days ago I stared reading the book A New Kind of Christianity by Brian D McLaren which was recommended to me by Dani a few weeks ago.

I’m at the end of chapter 19.

And I’m surprised.

Very surprised.

I had thought that there was no way for me back to any kind of faith.

And now I’m not so sure.

I’m not there yet. But I can almost see the possibility.

I’m not really going to write a book review here right now … maybe one day. But I want to capture some of the thoughts and feelings that it has evoked in me … and that requires some mention of what the book says … or at least what it is saying to me. I sense though that there will be some rambling around in this posting.

In my born again days I would have viewed Brian McLaren as a liberal kind of theologian … roughly translated it means I’d have classed him as not really being a Bible Believer.

There are quite a few reasons why my involvement with Christianity terminated. I think that really it began with personal kind of issues. One of these was pornography. I’ve mentioned this issue in previous postings. There was a time when a minister at the church that I attended took me along to a service at another church. Afterwards he asked me if I hadn’t felt inclined to step forward when everyone was invited to … for prayer and healing. I said that I hadn’t. And then he asked me about pornography … which my wife had mentioned to him … or perhaps it was to his wife for her to mention it to him so that he could mention it to me.

We prayed and he gave me a book to read. The book had an unbalanced view of pornography … the kind of thing that gave the impression that all users of porn become child molesters. You know … in the same way that everyone that owns a kitchen knife ends up stabbing naked ladies in showers.

In those days the porn was something I felt guilty about. In the same way that I felt guilty about lingerie.

But the prayers didn’t help that much really. Not for more than a few months.

There was never a real discussion – just an assumption that all pornography in all circumstances is always wrong. And other assumptions – it always degrades the people involved in it – always results in men seeing women as objects to own rather than as people – always exploits people … perverts people.

I’ve said this before … and no doubt will again if I get the chance … I know that porn can do all those things. But … you know … if your honest about it … some brands of Christianity and Islam do all of those things as well. Only its much worse when when you feel that it’s God that is involved because you have no right to complain about it.

Anyway … I’m mentioning this here now because it was a factor that made me feel uncomfortable in a church kind of environment.  And I was growing tired of the discomfort and the pretence that I felt obliged to make that everything was ok.

There were other things as well. I spent a while in secular counselling sessions … alone and also with Sally.

These provided an opportunity to talk about things that had only been secrets before. I think prior to that time I’d never really understood the value of counselling. But to be able to say what you think and feel without the risk of someone wanting to lay hands on you and cast out demons is somehow liberating. In all my years in church I’d never felt that. The dressing thing didn’t crop up. At the time I didn’t know that I was a transvestite … only that sometimes I likes to wear lingerie.

During this time I began to withdraw from church and began to think about what I believed and why I believed it.

I remember thinking things like:

• Did I really believe in a universe or a God where the vast majority of people that had ever lived were going to end up in hell?
• Did I believe in a God that sanctioned genocide .. I guess a holocaust … perpetrated by the Hebrews in the Old Testament against other groups of people in the middle east?
• Did I really believe in a God that disliked same sex relations so much that they were condemned to hell?

The problem was that I’d always been a Bible Believing Christian. And my understanding of the Bible led to those kinds of conclusions.

Mostly I think I’d glossed over them up to then … thinking that well … God is good and God loves people … and He’ll see that the right thing happens and maybe explain it all one day.

But I had reached a stage where these questions … and others … and my own experiences and feelings meant that I needed to discover a different kind of God.

But I couldn’t see any way of doing this without taking out the scissors and cutting out lots of verses from the Bible that I had, up to that point, believed.

And how do I decide which bits to cut out – or to re-interpret. If I just cut out the bits that I don’t approve of or that are inconvenient to me then don’t I end up with a God that I invented for myself?

So … in the end … I put the entire book away.

Of course … even most Bible Believing Christians re-interpret things in the Bible every so often. What once was bad is now ok. Some things that were once ok are now bad. And some bits are just ignored because … well … Jesus couldn’t actually have meant what he literally said could he … so he must have actually meant something else. If you’ve been to church you know what I mean.

Having said all of that … not everything that happens in Churches is bad. Not at all. I’ve tended here to simply focus on things that contributed to me leaving.

So … back to the book A New Kind of Christianity.

For a long time I’ve been pretty sure that I can never go back to the beliefs that I used to have. And I had thought that meant that there was no way back to Christianity.

The book that Dani recommended has changed the second part of my thinking.

Maybe there is a way back to Christianity … maybe what I had been experiencing previously hadn’t actually been the entire thing.

I know that some people (and I would once have been one of these people) will say that what I’m doing is attempting to re-invent God in a way that fits me. They will say that I have to accept God as God … and then do as I am told.

But really … even fundamentalists … pick and choose things. The KJV 1611 people that I corresponded with a while ago have picked a specific Bible version and decided that this is the one … the literal and absolutely only English language version of the Bible … that anyone should believe. But they still decide on how things should be interpreted and understood.

Emily Saliers (an Indigo Girl) penned the following, and I think she’s right:

And as we sat stuck
You could hear the trash truck
Making its way through the neighbourhood
Picking up the thrown out
Different from house to house
We get to decide what we think is no good
We're sculpted from youth
The chipping away makes me weary
And as for the truth
It seems like we just pick a theory
And it's the one that justifies
Our daily lives
And backs us with quiver and arrows
To protect openings
Cause when the warring begins
How quickly the wide open narrows

So … I know I am open to the criticism that I’m re-inventing God in an image that fits me.

Back to the book again.

Brian McLaren sets out to respond to 10 questions that he feels are important with respect to Christianity and people. He says he’s not offering answers to the questions … rather they are responses to them that represent the beginning of a dialog rather than the end of one.

One thing that struck me is that the doubts and questions I had about the do I really believe that God kind of things I mentioned earlier aren’t all that unusual. It’s just that people in Churches often don’t have a chance to air such doubts.

Another thing is the way that he presents Jesus within the context of the Bible. He feels that what you need to do is take the person of Jesus as described in the Gospels and then interpret the Bible through Jesus … rather than the other way round. So … in responding to the question Is God Violent? Brian McLaren starts with Jesus and then looks at some of the passages that seem to paint a violent picture of God … mainly in the Old Testament. The book doesn’t provide any “once and for all” answer or a set of proofs for this. Just the beginnings of a discussion. But the starting point of a definitely non-violent Jesus provides a totally different perspective on the whole question. And … it’s so obvious that this is the right starting point it left me wondering how come I hadn’t realised this before?

The third (and biggest and most important) thing for me is that in summing up what Christianity is all about he puts it very simply.

Being a Christian is about being Christlike.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

It’s strange how sometimes the bleedin’ obvious gets buried beneath so much other stuff that when it gets re-stated it’s like a breath of fresh air and a revelation.

It’s not about church meetings … nor understanding theology nor having correct doctrine.

And … you know … even people who are not Christians can be Christlike.

And Christians … well … they can be non Christlike.

In a way I knew all of the above.

But in a way I never thought of what it means. A whole lot of what I believed has been turned upside down and inside out … and I’m amazed that it’s giving me a feeling that maybe there is a way back for me. Though really it’s not a way back … more of a way forwards.

I know that some people will say it’s not a way forwards at all. It’s heretical. It’s wrong. Blasphemous. Untrue. An abomination. And that I am headed for hell.

I know also that to some of these people … the concept of a transgendered Andrea is also an abomination.

But maybe some people with thoughts like these will try to see beyond the skirts and dresses that I wear.

I’m not sure yet … but I see possibilities where I previously saw none.

So … if I were to want to be Christlike … well … would Jesus have dressed as a girl? How can I be Christlike and also be a transvestite?

I think my response … and no .. it’s not my final answer … is that the question itself is perhaps missing the point.

Being Christlike isn’t about growing a beard and letting my hair grow longer (assuming that Jesus did these things). Or wearing a robe. Or being a man. Or being Jewish. Or being born of a virgin. Or not wearing a dress. Or avoiding lipstick and earrings. It’s not even about being what is conventionally called a Christian.

Being Christlike is about loving other people in the same kind of way that Jesus did.

It’s more about how I deal with people that are transvestites than whether or not I am a transvestite myself.

It’s not about whether I am heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. It’s not about the colour of my skin. It’s about how I interact with other people.

Sally is keen that I pop along to a Contemplative Fire get together with her one day – she says it would be ok to appear there as Andrea. So perhaps that will happen at some point – she has asked before but I never saw the point before. It’ll make for a different experience than Pink Punters and Candy Girls, I expect.

I have a lot more to (re)discover.

As I mentioned earlier … I am very surprised.

Thank you Dani.