Coming out

Time passes surprisingly quickly at times ... it seems like no time since I last posted an entry here ... and yet ... it is ages ago.

The weddings in July were nice things to be involved in ... although we actually missed one of them - the M25 was almost stationery for a long time!

The BBQ with the Surrey Swans was great. It was the first time I've walked out of my own front door in broad daylight whilst wearing a skirt. Of course, no one noticed. Or at least if they did no one is saying anything. It was really great to meet a few new people. One of the t-girls was there with his (her) wife. It was good to get a chance to compare life stories. The food was great as well.

A little after that my wife and I were invited round to B & K's. B is a t-girl and K is his (her ... these "he" and "she" kind of labels are a little complex in a transvestite kind of world) wife. They'd invited us round so that my wife would have a chance to meet a couple of people in similar circumstances to ourselves in a place that wasn't totally overrun with guys dressed as girls.

When we first arranged it my wife had been happy with the idea of B and myself being "dressed". However, over breakfast that morning my wife was beginning to have misgivings and asked if we could just dress as guys ... or at least wear trousers. So that's how it happened ... B wore makeup and girlie jeans and sweater ... I was just the masculine looking me.

During the day leading up to the evening I felt a huge sense of disappointment mixed with, I guess, a kind of anger or frustration ... or something. I think it was because I'd been looking forwards so much to the first shared t-girl thing with my wife. And all of a sudden it wasn't going to happen.

The evening was good though. My wife ... and myself as well ... had a chance to find out how other people handle things.

One thing that kind of surprised me ... but that I think may be a common occurrence - is both K and my wife said that one of the strong emotions that they felt on discovering / being told about their partners transvestism was a sense of anger. I'd be interested in hearing from any of you guys and girls out in the big wide world if you've experienced the same feelings or known others that have.

I think that the feelings of anger had roots in not being told earlier, not being trusted earlier and of being lied to or deceived or mislead.

In a way I know that there isn't any water-tight kind of excuse for keeping something like that a secret. And yet ... I've heard that not so long ago in England a guy seen wearing a skirt in public was likely to be arrested (though I think that a tartan skirt would have been maybe OK in England as well as in Scotland). And also, it's not an easy thing for a guy to go public with. And also it's not easy at all for a born again Christian guy to go public with. At the same time it's not that easy for a born again Christian guy to live in denial of.

All I can say with any certainty is that I'm glad that it's not a secret any more and that I don't have to live in fear of discovery. Being Andrea is an OK thing to be. It's made an enormous difference to me and to the relationship that I have with my wife. She has really handled the whole thing remarkably!

I'm glad that in the end I have been able to come out.

By the way ... I am a transvestite

It's interesting how different people react to the concept of a person being a transvestite.

In the real world everyone that I have been able to tell so far has survived the experience.

T-girls in Portsmouth who are all lovely people.

People that I've chatted to on the couple of occasions that I've been "out" so far. They have asked questions and been interested. All of them lovely people.

My wife ... who is happy that Andrea makes me happy ... and that makes me easier to live with.

Eldest daughter who seemed OK but is struggling a bit. To have a dad that likes to dress like her mum isn't easy for her. But she is being honest about her feelings. I hope and think it will get easier as time passes.

Younger daughter ... who says it's OK if it makes me happy and if mum is OK with it. But she is kind of quiet. I think she is OK.

People I know on the Internet.

Two people have said they are proud of me. Being able to accept myself better and beginning to escape from the closet. Thank you!

A friend in Canada that I have known for years but never met thanked me for introducing Andrea to her.

Another friend in Canada that I chatted with a couple of weeks ago with the Webcam on said it was like talking with one of her girlfriends. She meant it in the nicest of ways.

A lady in Australia who mentioned the movie "The Adventures of Priscilla ... ". I bought the DVD and like it a lot.

Another in Norway ... surprised ... but cool.

And two people that may never chat with me online again.

But mostly a strong sense of acceptance.

Will I ever tell my brothers? People at work? Neighbours? Friends?

The nicest thing is that no longer do I live in fear of people finding out that I'm a tranny.

It's no big deal to me now. I don't want to flaunt it. Don't want to upset people. But if people find out then so be it.

When I got back from work today my wife was excited ... a trip to Marks & Spencer for some things to wear at a wedding later in the year.

It was lovely to see her trying the things on.

She thinks it's sweet the way that all of a sudden I like clothes.

I feel closer to her now than I have done for years and years and years.

At times I wish I had come out of the closet earlier. And yet ... earlier may have been too soon. Maybe we all needed the time to grow up a little first? So ... mostly I am content.

On Saturday I'm planning on hitting the shops myself.

It's nice to have some things in common :)