A visit to Guildford Police Station

May 31st was the day a group of us from Surrey Swans set for a visit to Guildford Police Station.

In April I’d received an email from Robin, who works there asking if I’d be prepared to visit them and talk about Transgender issues and how they could assist us should we come into contact with the police.

Robin also mentioned that it would be fine if other people came along as well and said that things that would be useful to talk about were things like:

How you discovered that you were Trans. Problems you’ve come across, how you’ve been accepted, or not, whether you’ve been victimised because of it, whether you’ve reported issues to Police and how they responded and how we can do things better ?

We agreed on a date of May 31st and ‘Chelle, Linda, Rose, Amanda and Cynthia said that they’d like to come along as well.

In the event, work commitments meant that Cynthia couldn’t make it.

I’d spent a while thinking about what I’d like say and wrote it down to try and estimate how long it would take to say it, and to try and keep myself from running off at tangents.

I was keen, as well, to provide some tome for everyone else to share some of their own thoughts and experiences.

We met at the Friary shopping centre in Guildford at about 11:00 am for coffee and a chat, and then headed for the police station to arrive there at about 11:50 … it’s a short 10 minute walk. We were met by Robin. Spent a few minutes signing in and headed up to the meeting room on the 7th floor.

Almost 30 people turned up to listen to us. We were a bit surprised. And impressed as well, that so many people would give up their own time to coma along and listen to us.

We spent a little over 30 minutes sharing thoughts and experiences. And had a lovely response from people afterwards.

Hermann, one of the officers at Surrey Police (the tall one in the picture) spent some time sharing about the way that their work is about safeguarding and assisting people.

We spent quite a while eating bread rolls and soup and chatting. It was especially good in that lots of people (including we five visitors) said it had been a useful time and that we’d learned important things.

For me, and I believe also for others, it had been a really valuable time.

Here’s a picture taken after the the talking and before the soup and bread rolls:

If you’re interested in the kind of things that we said, then here is some of it:

Robin (front centre in the picture) introduced us and explained a bit about what we were likely to be talking about.

The script that I worked from was this:

Hello

• Good afternoon, I’m Andrea
• And here are: Chelle, Linda, Amanda and Rose
• We are trans or transgender
• But more than that we are just people
• Each of us have been involved in one way or another with Surrey Swans
• A place where trans people, friends and partners meet socially once a month in Ash

Firstly

• I’d like to begin by saying thank you
• Jo and Michelle came along to Surrey Swans back in 2014 along with Carol (from New Patch) to talk with us about what you do … so it’s nice to return the visit
• When I mentioned this meeting to people at Surrey Swans, I got very positive feedback about the police force … about you.
• We know that what you do makes a difference to people. It makes a difference to us.
• What you do is not just a job
• Isn’t it strange, yesterday I was thinking, there are times when I’m driving and I see a police car, and I feel anxiety. My mind fills with stuff like “I hope my break likes are working. But as Andrea When I see a police officer I feel safe
• So, thank you

A definition of Transgender / Trans is that it is an umbrella term used to cover numerous types of gender identity such as:

• Transsexual
• Transvestite
• Non-binary
• Bi-gendered
• Non-gendered
• Genderfluid
• … etc.
• that’s a lot of diversity

A question:

• How many people here meet trans people on a regular basis?

You know though, whatever trans is:

• Trans is people
• Individual people with unique stories and life experiences
• Not all trans people agree with each other even on all things trans
• I, and all of us here, are not representing the trans community – mainly we are just sharing personal experiences and thoughts

My story … which is different from everyone else’s

Childhood, which was a long time ago. I remember:

• I confusion
• experimentation with clothing

Growing up, as a student and then later, I remember

• Confusion
• What it was all about?
• Just a fetish?
• Becoming a Christianity
• Was it sinful?
• Should I feel guilty?
• Feeling guilty.
• Buying things
• Throwing things away
• Repenting
• Keeping secrets
• Feeling ashamed

By 2006 or so

• The internet – communication with strangers
• I wasn’t the only person in the world like this
• Telling anonymous people
• Buying clothing that was more than underwear
• Someone asking if my wife knew
• Letting my wife find out
• Her coming to terms with it and accepting me
• Neither of us understanding
• Trying makeup and lipstick - Try it sometime … there’s all kinds of possibilities for total disaster.
• Seeing an advertisement for a makeover, clothes and pictures
• Going along
• Being encouraged to tell my wife all about it
• Meeting myself
• Crying
• Telling my children, family, friends
• Learning to be myself
• Working out that really, it’s just about who I am
• If I have a label it’s Genderfluid - People say “what’s that” rather than just go along with a likely incorrect stereotype

And some experiences

• A preacher in Manchester
• A piece of banana at the Arndale centre in Manchester
• Being called a “She-man” in Windsor
• A drunken man in Peascod street in Windsor
• A drunken man in Weatherspoon’s in Manchester
• A visit to Surrey Swans by Surrey police LAGLO’s Swans
• Police officers at Sparkle
• Strangers that say nice things
• Acceptance by friends, family, church people

Linda, Rose and Amanda then shared some of their thoughts and experiences.

And a few more points to finish:·

• Trans people are really just people
• Not a label, a problem or an issue to be dealt with (being trans is not really about bathrooms)

In common with other people:

• Each of us is unique, with our own life stories, fears and dreams
• Sometimes we are still in the process of trying to discover ourselves, understand ourselves and accept ourselves
• We don’t always act logically and sensibly
• We sometimes suffer from uncertainty, stress, confusion, fear and vulnerability

We (all people, not just trans people) mostly just want to be free to be ourselves.

So, in dealing with trans people, as with anyone else, it’s great, whenever possible, to:

• Be polite to us
• Treat us with dignity and courtesy
• Use the pronouns (he, she, they ...) that we prefer. If uncertain then ask us
• Consider our physical and emotional condition
• Be aware that there is a possibility that we are feeling afraid and vulnerable. Talk to us to find out about our own situation.
• Explain what’s happening and why it’s happening
• Try to understand us

And we, on our part, will try to do all of these things when we meet you, because we know that you are people just as much as we are

What we want … what we need … each of us in this room

• To be treated with respect, as we in turn, treat others with respect
• To be listened to just as we listen
• To be accepted … or at least not be intimidated or hated … just as we are accepting

And finally from me:

• Thank you again for listening
• And at Surrey Swans we’re keen to maintain good links with the police service, so pay us a visit soon
• And … ask us questions …

Chelle then shared some thoughts and experiences. She also raised a question as to the kind of definition of “trans” that the police use when safeguarding trans people. We were reassured that the definition is the same one that we talked about near the beginning of the session.

Restaurants, Punters and Police Officers

Last Monday (May 14th) I spent the evening with Susie and Julia. We shared a meal together at Café Rouge in Windsor.

It was a really lovely evening and late enough in the day for the place to be fairly quiet and unaffected by the Royal Wedding preparations.

The food and service were excellent, as always.

And here we are:

 

Last night (Saturday May 19th, the day of the Royal Wedding), and the early hours of this morning, I spent the night with Laura, Emma and Susie at Pink Punters.

Laura arrived at Windsor a little before 5 pm. I’d just about finished with the makeup and stuff.

At the moment makeup  is taking a bit longer than it used to. The reasons are partly to do with ideas I picked up  from a visit by Esteller and Stacey of Corinthian Spa to Surrey Swans back in September last year. And also from ideas picked up from Lauren at House of Fraser in Guildford in the same month.

The new new things include stuff like:

• using an exfoliating cleanser before doing makeup, as well as at other times
• applying a primer and letting it do whatever it does for 5 minutes before applying any foundation
• applying a little red lipstick with a concealer brush in the area around my mouth and chin before applying any foundation – the idea is that it helps conceal the grey kind of colour that guys get there prior to the formation of bristles
• using a foundation brush to apply the foundation (rather than my fingers)

I’ve also started to use a real brush to apply eye shadow, instead of using the freebie things that come with the shadow. I’ve found that the shadow brush gets thigs done better. The brush holds more shadow and also manages to generate a lot less “spillage”.

Packing a suitcase for the night  was a whole lotless elephantine than has often been the case with previous trips to Pink Punters. There was no need for drab (as in dressed as a bloke) clothing an I knew what  wanted to wear. I guess like all things in life, past experiences can help make things easier. Though I know that sometimes, in some circumstances, past experiences can have exactly the opposite effect.

Anyway, we set of for the Campanile hotel, just opposite Pink Punters, and arrived there at a little after 6pm.

During the journey Laura shared a story that gave me the feeling that it’s perhaps a good idea to have a pair of jeans available at a moments notice. You’ll have to ask Laura for the details, but skirts and climbing ladders come into the equation.

Soon after our arrival, text messages from Susie and Emma confirmed everyone was there and we met up in the bar. We discovered that there are places to sit and sip a drink outside, which was very pleasant on a lovely warm evening.

We decide to eat inside and discover that, thanks to the new Duke and Duchess of Sussex, there is a free small bottle of prosecco for every main meal ordered, so during the meal we raise a glass to them.

Susie thinks she may need 45 minutes to freshen up before heading over the road to the nightclub. So Laura and I feel we have plenty of time to get ourselves sorted. That is until 22:26 when the text from Emma arrives … “We’re downstairs”.

To be fair, Laura did have a problem with a disobedient zipper.

Very soon after that we’re at the entrance, having our bags examined, paying our fees, collecting a pink ticket, walking p the steps, handing the ticket over and buying a drink.

We realise that something has changed.

The steps that used to lead to the upstairs bar have gone. There are new ones, but they are roped off and lead up to the ceiling.

The prosecco can’t have affected us all so badly … so we hunt around. The only stairs going up are signposted “toilets”. We walk up the stairs and, sure enough, we discover toilets.

Susie … or perhaps it was Emma … has a little chat with a security guard. The words closed, refurbishment and champagne bar are floated. We’re a bit disappointed.

We find seats elsewhere, in the outside covered area not far from a very big open fire. Laura goes exploring and discovers some seats downstairs were the karaoke is currently happening. It’s OK, but  the old upstairs area was nicer.

Emma and I reminisce. The pink room that seems to be no more. And whatever happened to the polar bear?

We chat, drink and dance.

The first dance is in the ground floor … middle … main … dance floor.

Later Laura takes us to the lower dance floor.

Oh gosh. The bass gives you an internal body massage. The lights are amazing. Mesmerizing. Hypnotising. It is very loud.

Susie and I retire from the sound a little earlier than Laura and Emma.

We chat a while with another couple. Drink a little.

Susie, Emma and I  dance a little more on the middle floor dance floor. A guy there gives the impression that he wants to lift me into the air … but I’m still sober enough to decline the offer.

It’s a after 4:00 am by the time the makeup is off.

I enjoyed the evening a lot. It’s good to spend time with friends.

It’s rise and shine at about 9:30 am. There’s time to shower and do makeup and dress before we have to leave at midday.

And then, of curse, there are the police officers.

I had an email from someone that works at Guildford Police Station asking if I’d be willing to visit them sometime to speak about transgender things. So that’s all planned for May 31st. I’m planning on visiting there along with friends that I know from Surrey Swans and sharing some thoughts and experiences with people there. I’ll write something here to describe how it goes.

Surrey Swans, Police People and LAGLOs

Last Sunday Surrey Swans had a visit from a Surrey Police LAGLO, Jo along with Carol and Michelle.

You can read about it here. It was a really informative evening with over 20 people coming along.

I went along in a dress like this:

 

 

Which would have looked more like this if it had been a bit shorter: