Shades of life, cats and bags

The past few months have seen quite a mix of the different shades of life.

Last October when Sally and I were on holiday my brother phoned and said that he'd been diagnosed with throat cancer.

On getting back home and then to work, a colleague and close friend told me that he'd just been diagnosed with stomach cancer.

My brother began radiotherapy.

My friend began chemotherapy.

In February Sally and I spent a month in New Zealand visiting our youngest daughter Katie who's been living and working there since early 2018. That was wonderful.

The chemotherapy was ineffective for me friend, so there was then immunotherapy. He passed away at the end of May. His funeral took place a few days ago.

The radiotherapy was ineffective for my brother. He had a laryngectomy just a few days after my friends passing. Thankfully, that seems to have gone well and he's recovering well. It is, though, a life-changing procedure.

Last weekend Sally and I celebrated a premature ruby wedding anniversary and we had a party for friends and family. The real thing is on July 27th, but Katie was back in the UK for a few weeks, so we took the opportunity of celebrating it at a time when she was around.

The was a time of joy. Sally said a few words. She mentioned the challenges of married life and also how my "coming out as trans" had helped us grow closer rather than pushed us apart. Not everyone there had heard of Andrea - though these days we're no sure who does know and who doesn't. It's not a secret, but no public announcements had been made before. So, the cat is now completely out of the bag. Thinking about it, I'm sure that it's better both for the cat and for me. Katie also said some lovely things, as did Sally's brother.

2018 and 2019 have included a mix of fear and hope, sadness and joy. I guess, that's what life is.

While and Matthews, Poles, Love and Fear

Having listened quite a lot more to Chris While and Julie Matthews (http://www.whileandmatthews.co.uk/) , I must say I like them a lot.

I bought the CD from Amazon’s download site and spent quite a while searching out lyrics of the songs somewhere on the WEB … with no luck at all until tonight. Googling for “distant as the poles” came back with a hit …the parent page of which is: http://www.whileandmatthews.co.uk/Julie%20website/Song%20pages/ which has lots of lyrics.

I mentioned the song Distant as the Poles in an earlier post.You can listen to the first bit at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002E3D0IA/ref=dm_dp_trk6 (click the preview button when you get there) and also there is a version from a fan.

 

And the words:

Distant as the poles
Julie Matthews
From the album ‘Quest’
While and Matthews

You cannot hold her anymore
Though everyday I see you try
She's bursting with the urge to run and fly
And where she's bound you cannot hope to be
As distant as the poles and the poles will never meet

She chases comets in the sky
One day she'll catch one in a jar
You would rather watch them from afar
And what she dreams you cannot hope to see
As distant as the poles and the poles will never meet

The tighter that you hold her
The wider bridges grow
The more you try to mould her
The less she'll come to show

You cannot hold her anymore
So have the heart to say goodbye
And open up the cage and let her fly
A blazing trail of comets in the sky
And love her just enough to set her free
As distant as the poles and the poles will never meet

 

When I first listened to the song it reminded me of the feelings of a parent as a child grows … the pain of letting go. And yet there isn’t another way.

I think that as time has passed I’ve learned, a little at least,  that holding onto people too tightly seems to be a sure fire way of pushing them away.

Driving back from work tonight I thought of the way that futility of getting things by force. The way that compulsion seems to be doomed to failure.

Ultimately, it seems, we do what we want to because we want to do it rather than because we have to do it.

The things we do out of compulsion don’t last. The first chance we get … we do something else.

I think it explains why, in the end, love is stronger than fear.