Mistaken Identities?

I read an article in the online Sunday Times entitled Gender reassignment: I’m man enough to admit that it was a mistake .

That's an exaggeration - I read the beginning of the article (the part that isn't behind the paywall) and I watched the video.

The article is categorised as being about Health, NHS and Religion.

It's about a man named Peter Benjamin who transitioned from male to female and then decided that it had been a mistake and "de-transitioned" back to male.

The article says that "He is speaking about his experience out of concern for people who, like him, change gender, only to find their lives as isolated and challenging as they were before."

If the points being made here things like:

• people shouldn't approach gender reassignment without thinking hard and long about who they are
• people do sometimes make mistakes and it's important not to rush into things
• gender reassignment surgery will not solve every problem for every person that undergoes it

then I'm OK with it.

If the message, however includes anything like:

• gender reassignment helps no one
• God makes boys and girls and doesn't make mistakes, so trans people need to get over it and live the lives that God gave them

then I'm not at all OK with it.

If Peter Benjamin is in a happier place for himself than he was before then I'm glad for him.

In the video, he says:

I've got friends now. I've got people I can talk to.
I've got a church that I go to now.
All the crossdressing, all the transgender has gone, completely gone.
I feel so much better in myself. I don't fantasise about it. There's no lust there any more. It's completely, completely gone.
I am back to being who I was before, so that's how I'm going to liver my lie now. 

If his intentions are honestly just to help other people then maybe that's OK. Unless Peter or the church that he goes to are of the opinion that the way to help all trans people is to encourage them to carry on living lives according to their birth sex irrespective of any sense of gender dysphoria that they may have. In which case it is not at all OK.

In the end, I believe that we are all different. There isn't a one-size fits all answer to all of life's challenges. What might be right for Peter is not at all right for every single trans person on the planet.

Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity

A few months ago Anne Yarwood, a close friend of Sally and I asked if I would be editor of the month for the web site that she has produced - The Imagination Acts.
The result was a collection pf pictures and words with a theme of Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity

It reads as follows - please see The Imagination Acts web site for the pictures.

Several Shades of T – Unity within Diversity

There is a human tendency towards classification and categorisation. To assign labels. To generalise. Male. Female. Straight. Lesbian. Gay. Bi. Trans.

Classification has its uses, but also limitations.

We can use labels to form alliances and to define borders. To stereotype. To marginalise.

It challenges me that I sometimes construct borderlines as a way of self defence and preservation and fail to see the bigger picture. It is possible to value the things that hold us together. To uphold each other. And to celebrate our distinctiveness.

After more than half a lifetime of denial I gave up a battle with myself and began to accept myself as the person that I am. This came with the label “trans”. As time passes, I need to regularly remind myself of the inadequacy of this label. To see that no label defines who I am. Or who you are. There is a much bigger story to your life and to mine.

The Borderline

Cos what is love – a word, the feeling of you ?

Something we dream or the things that we do ?

And who am I – these thoughts, this feeling, my views

A fragile form or a dreamer like you ?

Are we so different, defined ?

Where is the borderline ?

When we are like water, like trees

We have a name, an illusion of identity

Of boundaries, of borderlines

But my dreams are yours and your fears are mine

I hope we wake up from this dream of being different, defined

When we are only space and time

Emily Maguire (https://emilymaguire.com/biog/) is a singer-song writer, poet and composer. The International Society for Bipolar Disorders awarded her the 2019 Mogens Schou Award for Public Service and Advocacy.

Several Shades of T
The storyline that I’m thinking of opened with L and G.

After a while they were joined by B.

And then T.

LGBT.

More recently a large selection of the rest of the alphabet has joined in. Some of them more than once.

LGBTQQIAAPOG …

Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Trans. Queer. Questioning. Intersex. Asexual. Ally. Pansexual. Other. Genderfluid. …

Sometimes the newcomers all get represented by just a +.

LGBT+.

But the story isn’t about the alphabet.

It’s about people.

It began long before the alphabet got involved.

And like all stories about people, whilst there are still people the story will continue.

Some people are intimately involved in the story. Others are more on the periphery. We can all be involved. In some ways, we all are involved.

There is a truth in that different people read the same story in different ways.

Some see a collection of different letters of the alphabet. They don’t identify with any of the letters. The story is a threat. An anathema. An abomination. They want to put an end to it. But the story is about people and not the alphabet. Ending it involves blood. And even then, whilst there are people the story will continue.

Some claim a letter as their own. They hold it close. They know it and understand it. Looking at the other letters they aren’t so sure. Not all letters are equal. Some of them are frauds. Dangerous. Threatening. They need to be restricted. Controlled.

Some don’t consciously read the story at all. But by words, silences, actions and inactions they take part.

Over the years I’ve come across people that read the story in these ways. And of people that read it in many, many other ways.

My own take on it has changed. Is still changing.

I’ve discovered that I have letters in this story.

I know other people that have the same letters.

But sharing the same letters in a story doesn’t make us the same people. We have our own thoughts, feelings, preferences. And we can even read the same story in different ways.

I know other people with other letters.

But I know no one for whom a letter, or even an entire alphabet, provides an adequate definition of who they are.

In all of this I identify as T and G – that is a Trans person that is Genderfluid.

So, what does that mean? And does it matter.

The term trans is often defined as something like this: an umbrella term for all people who cross traditional gender boundaries – whether that is permanently or periodically (https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/transhealth/documents/livingmylife.pdf.

And then there’s the term genderfluid. You could say that genderfluid individuals have different gender identities at different times. A genderfluid individual’s gender identity could be multiple genders at once and then switch to none at all, or move between single gender identities, or some other combination therein. For some genderfluid people, these changes happen as often as several times a day and for others, monthly, or less often. Some genderfluid people regularly move between only a few specific genders, perhaps as few as two (which could also fit under the label bigender), whereas other genderfluid people never know what they’ll feel like next (See HERE  – wiki/Genderfluid).

However, the definitions certainly have their limitations.

I’ve come across some trans people who don’t like to stand under the same umbrella as other trans people. Which might add another letter to the story to accommodate them.

Some people don’t believe that T has the right to be included along with LG or B.

Sometimes, people begin to talk trans and then focus more upon pronouns, lavatories, changing rooms and restrooms than they do on people.

Sometimes people say and do things that are much worse.

Trans people face many challenges. All people face many challenges.

What special rights should trans people have?

Perhaps nothing more special than things that I believe should be given to all people.

Things like kindness, compassion, respect and understanding.

Ultimately, what every trans person that I know wishes for, is to simply be themselves.

It’s not about special treatment or privileges.

Of course, that’s the beginning of a story more than it is the end of one. Pronouns, restrooms, changing rooms and safe spaces matter.

Safety matters.

People are capable of pretending to be someone that they are not.

There are challenges.

But in working out solutions to these challenges let’s remember that behind every acronym and label there are real people. That even when people share the same label, they are different from each other. That there is no single voice that fully represents any label. That it is possible to disagree with someone else and yet to do that with respect and kindness. That there are times when the ability to reach a compromise is a strength. That it is better to listen to and talk with each other than it is to write about each other. That whispers sometimes speak more loudly than yells.

The acronyms are complicated. People are complex. But there is something special when people that pick up different labels are able to move beyond the things that make them different. To see diversity as a thing that can enrich and strengthen rather than something that weakens and destroys.

And of course, just like you, I have lots of other letters of the alphabet in lots of other stories. And we’re all involved in each of these stories in one way or another. Some stories touch us closely. Others seem to be more distant. But we are involved. What we say and do has an effect. Our inactions and silences also have an effect. And all the separate stories are, in reality, parts of a single bigger story.

Martin Niemöller (first-they-came-for-the-socialists) is remembered for saying:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

And so, even though I am not L or G or B, I still speak out. We are all neighbours (www.biblegateway.com/passage).

Last year I discovered the music of Emily Maguire (https://emilymaguire.com/ ) and was especially touched when listening to a song of hers called The Borderline which speaks to me of the way it can be so easy to concentrate on things that divide us rather than the things that hold us together. You can listen to it  HERE  and  HERE.

The words are:

The Borderline

[E.Maguire]

Where is the borderline

The boundary between your tribe and mine

Are we the rain, the river, the cloud and the sea

If we are like water then which drop is me

And what is time – the fast blink of an eye

A circle so vast that we think it’s a line

And what is space – the air, the silence we breathe

A place of our own and the ghosts we don’t see
Is it the boundary, the borderline

Between you and I, your mind and mine

Is fire the spark, the fuel, the air or the heat

The smoke in your eyes or the ash at your feet

Are trees the root, the branch, the wood or the leaves

The forest we burn or the broom that we keep

Beneath the stairs, the stars, the space in a jar. The air outside is that where you are

Is that the borderline, the boundary

Between you and I, between your tribe and mine

But isn’t fear the dark shadow of hope

The things that we want and the things that we don’t

And so we cling and close the eyes that look in,

The soul we don’t see under the skin

Cos that’s a boundary, the borderline

Between you and I, between your tribe and mine

But we both were born and both will die

And in between will doubt and dream

Of a better life than life before

A meaning or a reason for

This feeling of being different, defined

When we are only dreaming of boundaries and borderlines

I hope we wake up

Cos what is love – a word, the feeling of you

Something we dream or the things that we do

And who am I – these thoughts, this feeling, my views

A fragile form or a dreamer like you

Are we so different, defined

Where is the borderline?

When we are like water, like trees

We have a name, an illusion of identity

Of boundaries, of borderlines

But my dreams are yours and your fears are mine

I hope we wake up from this dream of being different, defined

When we are only space and time

And yes, I too hope that we wake up.

Documentaries, Café Rouge and more documentaries

Things have been busy over the past few weeks.

On Sunday November 25th there was a Surrey Swans meeting where we were visited by Nate, Harri, Alex,Terrell, Evie and Elisha from the University for Creative Arts who were putting together a documentary as part of a project for the course that they are studying.

On Monday December 3rd I spent a lovely evening with Tina, Susie and Chloe at Café Rouge in Windsor. It’s always lovely to meet up. And here we are … Chloe, Andrea, Susie and Tina:

Part way through the evening we talked about identity and who we are. Susie shared a simple and yet profound truth. She said that really, she is just herself. She’s not a label. And that is true. It really is.

On Wednesday December 5th I visited UCA in Farnham as a follow up to the documentary. It involved some filming and chatting with people involved with the Trans society there. I found that to be really helpful for me. It was really special to share some thoughts and feelings with younger Trans people. It reminded me a bit of Emily Maguires Song, The Borderline in that we each knew that the borderlines are things that people invent and that really each of us is just a person. The fact that we are trans is an incidental thing. Mainly, we are just people.

Trans* - what’s in an asterisk?

I recently received an email from someone planning to do some research on experiences that trans* people have had with the British criminal justice system.

I’d not seen the use of the * at the end of trans much before – although it has apparently been used in some circles for quite a while.

At first I looked for a footnote at the end of the email explaining what “trans”meant. The way that some books use an * to indicate that there is a footnote. But there wasn’t one.

Then, having a background in computer software I thought maybe it means trans-anything. In some computer environments an * at the end of a word means anything that starts with that word.

Here it says that trans* is:

An umbrella term to include folks who identify as transgender, transsexual, and other identities where a person does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. It is a placeholder for suffixes of trans, that is, trans_____. The asterisk (*) is standing in for *gender, *sexual, *feminine, *masculine, *folks, *person, *guy, *girl, *woman, and *man.

But it also says:

It is also inclusive of identities that do not start with the prefix “trans,” but can be understood as under the trans* umbrella. These identities include, but are not limited to, genderqueer, bigender, third gender, genderf*ck, gender fluid, genderless, MtF, FtM, Two Spirit, non-binary, androgynous, and masculine of center (MOC). While all of these identities are distinct from one other, each can be understood as under the trans* umbrella because the folks who identify with them do not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth and/or are “queering” (deviating from norms; blurring) gender expectations and assumptions.

And continues with:

A note on usage: the identities above are all self-identifying terms. It is not for you to say then, “Well, I read a blog post that said genderqueer people are trans*, so if you identify as genderqueer you are trans*, whether you think so or not.”
Respect the words that people use to describe themselves by using those same words to describe them and not questioning their use of the terms.

That last part makes it a bit difficult, and I’m not sure that the example that’s used makes sense. Even though each of the individual terms are a matter of self-identification, if the word trans* is an umbrella term for them all then by self-identifying as any one of the things included in the umbrella it’s difficult to see the logic in saying that the umbrella term is inappropriate without redefining the umbrella term. And if the meaning of the umbrella term keeps changing then the umbrella term becomes less and less useful. I know, I’m beginning to form sentences reminiscent of Sir Humphrey Appleby.

In some circles, trans (without the *) means all of the above. So is the * really needed?

Here at the Trans Student Educational Resources web site there’s an article about Why We Used Trans* and Why We Don’t Anymore.

And here Julia Serano has a blog post dated August 2015 Regarding Trans* and Transgenderism. Julia says:

In the last few months, I have become aware of a new claim: Trans* is apparently trans-misogynistic. I am not sure where this originated, but it seems to have garnered steam (a recent google search using “asterisk” and “transmisogyny” revealed numerous pages of results to this effect). According to a recent post by Tobi Hill-Meyer (that I encourage you to check out), she summarizes the current arguments being made against trans* this way: “that female assigned genderqueers popularized it as a way to prioritize their issues at the expense of trans women.” But she then goes on to talk about many previous incarnations of the trans* in “2010, 2007, 2003, and 1998” when it was forwarded by trans women to circumvent “transsexual vs. transgender” infighting that was occurring in those settings at that time. The last paragraph of her post really resonated with me:

“I'm not really invested in whether or not people use [trans*]. I don't feel it's important enough to fight over. But seeing the way people talk about it now makes me sad that the trans community seems to have a historical memory permanently limited to only 2-4 years back.”

Julia then makes an interesting point that:

The word trans* is not inherently inclusive or trans-misogynistic. Rather, like all words, it gets its meaning from the way in which people use it. And it may be utilized towards positive or negative ends. Just because some people may use it in an exclusionary way doesn’t mean that the word itself disparaging or exclusionary.

This fits in with my understanding about how words and labels work. It’s all about how they are used and the motives and agendas that people have in using them.

There’s a way in which “umbrella” terms begin to lack usefulness as more and more people get included under the umbrella, and some of them begin to get dischuffed about sharing it.

I know people who self-identify as transsexual and others that identify as transvestite. There is no doubt that they have things in common. They are people. They identify as individuals that are part of minority groups that have a history being persecuted and of being misunderstood. They typically dress in a way that is associated with a gender that is different than their birth-gender (and the use of the term birth-gender in this context is open to debate). So they share an umbrella. Yet, with these things in common there are also some significant differences. These differences mean that some people prefer to be under a different umbrella.

When I began writing this blog I self-identified as a t-girl or transvestite. These days I tend towards gender-fluid. The main reason really is that most of the time if I sat to someone “I’m gender-fluid” they ask me about what that means. Which means I can tell them about what it means to me rather than what that label (or umbrella) means to them. On the other hand, people have a tendency to think they know what transvestite means, and just go along with their own understanding of the label (umbrella) without asking questions.

Having said all of that, personally speaking, I find the term trans (as an abbreviation for transgender(ed)) useful – with or without the *. I understand that the umbrella is quite large and it does cover groups of people that are significantly different from each other. But each individual is a person that is living their life in a way that tends to challenge societies stereotypical views on gender. And it provides some kind of context for terms such as transphobia.  And generally, if I tell a person that I am transgender(ed) they’ll ask me what does that mean exactly – which gives me an opportunity to explain to them that it doesn't exactly mean anything, because, of course, umbrella terms never do. In the same way that a * at the end of a search term in some computer environments isn’t searching for something that is exactly anything. It’s more about finding things that are a bit like something.

A visit to Guildford Police Station

May 31st was the day a group of us from Surrey Swans set for a visit to Guildford Police Station.

In April I’d received an email from Robin, who works there asking if I’d be prepared to visit them and talk about Transgender issues and how they could assist us should we come into contact with the police.

Robin also mentioned that it would be fine if other people came along as well and said that things that would be useful to talk about were things like:

How you discovered that you were Trans. Problems you’ve come across, how you’ve been accepted, or not, whether you’ve been victimised because of it, whether you’ve reported issues to Police and how they responded and how we can do things better ?

We agreed on a date of May 31st and ‘Chelle, Linda, Rose, Amanda and Cynthia said that they’d like to come along as well.

In the event, work commitments meant that Cynthia couldn’t make it.

I’d spent a while thinking about what I’d like say and wrote it down to try and estimate how long it would take to say it, and to try and keep myself from running off at tangents.

I was keen, as well, to provide some tome for everyone else to share some of their own thoughts and experiences.

We met at the Friary shopping centre in Guildford at about 11:00 am for coffee and a chat, and then headed for the police station to arrive there at about 11:50 … it’s a short 10 minute walk. We were met by Robin. Spent a few minutes signing in and headed up to the meeting room on the 7th floor.

Almost 30 people turned up to listen to us. We were a bit surprised. And impressed as well, that so many people would give up their own time to coma along and listen to us.

We spent a little over 30 minutes sharing thoughts and experiences. And had a lovely response from people afterwards.

Hermann, one of the officers at Surrey Police (the tall one in the picture) spent some time sharing about the way that their work is about safeguarding and assisting people.

We spent quite a while eating bread rolls and soup and chatting. It was especially good in that lots of people (including we five visitors) said it had been a useful time and that we’d learned important things.

For me, and I believe also for others, it had been a really valuable time.

Here’s a picture taken after the the talking and before the soup and bread rolls:

If you’re interested in the kind of things that we said, then here is some of it:

Robin (front centre in the picture) introduced us and explained a bit about what we were likely to be talking about.

The script that I worked from was this:

Hello

• Good afternoon, I’m Andrea
• And here are: Chelle, Linda, Amanda and Rose
• We are trans or transgender
• But more than that we are just people
• Each of us have been involved in one way or another with Surrey Swans
• A place where trans people, friends and partners meet socially once a month in Ash

Firstly

• I’d like to begin by saying thank you
• Jo and Michelle came along to Surrey Swans back in 2014 along with Carol (from New Patch) to talk with us about what you do … so it’s nice to return the visit
• When I mentioned this meeting to people at Surrey Swans, I got very positive feedback about the police force … about you.
• We know that what you do makes a difference to people. It makes a difference to us.
• What you do is not just a job
• Isn’t it strange, yesterday I was thinking, there are times when I’m driving and I see a police car, and I feel anxiety. My mind fills with stuff like “I hope my break likes are working. But as Andrea When I see a police officer I feel safe
• So, thank you

A definition of Transgender / Trans is that it is an umbrella term used to cover numerous types of gender identity such as:

• Transsexual
• Transvestite
• Non-binary
• Bi-gendered
• Non-gendered
• Genderfluid
• … etc.
• that’s a lot of diversity

A question:

• How many people here meet trans people on a regular basis?

You know though, whatever trans is:

• Trans is people
• Individual people with unique stories and life experiences
• Not all trans people agree with each other even on all things trans
• I, and all of us here, are not representing the trans community – mainly we are just sharing personal experiences and thoughts

My story … which is different from everyone else’s

Childhood, which was a long time ago. I remember:

• I confusion
• experimentation with clothing

Growing up, as a student and then later, I remember

• Confusion
• What it was all about?
• Just a fetish?
• Becoming a Christianity
• Was it sinful?
• Should I feel guilty?
• Feeling guilty.
• Buying things
• Throwing things away
• Repenting
• Keeping secrets
• Feeling ashamed

By 2006 or so

• The internet – communication with strangers
• I wasn’t the only person in the world like this
• Telling anonymous people
• Buying clothing that was more than underwear
• Someone asking if my wife knew
• Letting my wife find out
• Her coming to terms with it and accepting me
• Neither of us understanding
• Trying makeup and lipstick - Try it sometime … there’s all kinds of possibilities for total disaster.
• Seeing an advertisement for a makeover, clothes and pictures
• Going along
• Being encouraged to tell my wife all about it
• Meeting myself
• Crying
• Telling my children, family, friends
• Learning to be myself
• Working out that really, it’s just about who I am
• If I have a label it’s Genderfluid - People say “what’s that” rather than just go along with a likely incorrect stereotype

And some experiences

• A preacher in Manchester
• A piece of banana at the Arndale centre in Manchester
• Being called a “She-man” in Windsor
• A drunken man in Peascod street in Windsor
• A drunken man in Weatherspoon’s in Manchester
• A visit to Surrey Swans by Surrey police LAGLO’s Swans
• Police officers at Sparkle
• Strangers that say nice things
• Acceptance by friends, family, church people

Linda, Rose and Amanda then shared some of their thoughts and experiences.

And a few more points to finish:·

• Trans people are really just people
• Not a label, a problem or an issue to be dealt with (being trans is not really about bathrooms)

In common with other people:

• Each of us is unique, with our own life stories, fears and dreams
• Sometimes we are still in the process of trying to discover ourselves, understand ourselves and accept ourselves
• We don’t always act logically and sensibly
• We sometimes suffer from uncertainty, stress, confusion, fear and vulnerability

We (all people, not just trans people) mostly just want to be free to be ourselves.

So, in dealing with trans people, as with anyone else, it’s great, whenever possible, to:

• Be polite to us
• Treat us with dignity and courtesy
• Use the pronouns (he, she, they ...) that we prefer. If uncertain then ask us
• Consider our physical and emotional condition
• Be aware that there is a possibility that we are feeling afraid and vulnerable. Talk to us to find out about our own situation.
• Explain what’s happening and why it’s happening
• Try to understand us

And we, on our part, will try to do all of these things when we meet you, because we know that you are people just as much as we are

What we want … what we need … each of us in this room

• To be treated with respect, as we in turn, treat others with respect
• To be listened to just as we listen
• To be accepted … or at least not be intimidated or hated … just as we are accepting

And finally from me:

• Thank you again for listening
• And at Surrey Swans we’re keen to maintain good links with the police service, so pay us a visit soon
• And … ask us questions …

Chelle then shared some thoughts and experiences. She also raised a question as to the kind of definition of “trans” that the police use when safeguarding trans people. We were reassured that the definition is the same one that we talked about near the beginning of the session.

Trans Rights–Some thoughts on Being and Choosing

I’ve been reading the article entitled “Choose your own gender WITHOUT seeing as doctor: Government to rip up rules on switching sex” in the Mail Online together with some of the comments made by people.

I’m saddened by the way that some people contribute to and make comments on articles like this without really seeming to think about the people that they are talking about.

I believe that for a person to be trans doesn’t make that person a sexual predator. It doesn’t make them a sexual deviant. Doesn’t make them into a person that wants to sneak into toilets and changing rooms to sneak peaks at people. Or go to rape crisis centres or prisons to abuse people.

I haven’t met anyone that identifies as being trans who says “I just woke up one morning and thought I’d like to be a girl” … or “boy”.

I know a lot of people that have faced years and years of struggling with a sense of guilt, shame and denial before reaching a position where they began to accept the fact that they are trans.

At Sparkle this year there were quite a few people wearing T-shirts a bit like this:

The article “Check the Science: Being Trans Is Not a 'Choice'” provides some interesting reading on the subject. It includes these thoughts:

We should know then that to be transgender is not a choice.

It is not a choice when meta-analysis of suicide rates indicates that lifetime prevalence of attempted suicide in transgender individuals is ~40 percent as opposed to ~4 percent in the overall population. It is not the same as deciding whether you will wear a red tie or a green one.

It is a choice for us to educate those who mistakenly believe that allowing transgender people to use bathrooms appropriate for their identity endangers women and children. Such people either do not know transgender people or, more likely, know them but do not know they are transgender.

And those that believe that real sexual predators will be dissuaded by a sign on a bathroom door are truly lost.

It is a choice for those of us who study the complexities of biology and the human brain to inform those who are not neuroscientists so that they can understand why it is not “a choice” for transgender people; it is who they are.

And there is this comment:

Scott T. Parkhurst · Santa Rosa Junior College
Look, all I know is that transgender people are just humane beings who want to be left alone and be treated with respect just like everyone else....because they are everyone else.

And as far as using the restroom...for Gods sake, they...us, we, just want to go in and use it and hopefully wash your hands and then walk out and go about with your day!

They do not choose to be male or female because they are born male or female in their brain and not what is between their damn legs. They are trapped and they are in a lot of pain and suffer in silence and a lot of them do kill themselves and I can promise you the rate is VERY high.

A lot of you have sat and worked and talked to some and never knew it. They are the gender that they feel they are in their brain and soul. There's no questioning it.

Their not going/saying "Oh, I think I'll be a women or guy today so I it will be fun to dress up"...which I have a few folks write and think that's what transgender people do and or think.

…

Never in my law enforcement career have I ever had problems nor arrested a transgender person in a restroom for being inappropriate either.

But I sure did arrest mostly middle age white men who were doing nasty crap in there! And they were from all walks of life too....

So don't be so quick to judge each other if you haven't walked in ones shoes....Just my up close and on the job 2 cents. Thank you.

There are people around who are predators, molesters and abusers.

But is it right to allow such people to set the standard by which genuinely trans people are to be treated?

Is it right to make innocent people suffer because bad people exist?

The article in the Mail Online says: “Reforms to help transgender people choose their legal sex, which include speeding up the bureaucratic process, will go out to consultation in the autumn.“

Which means that at the moment nothing has changed.

It’s simply the beginning of a conversation and of a process.

And yes, of course there are and will be challenges to face and obstacles to overcome.

But please, let’s not write the whole thing off before it’s even started.

Who we are

A friend, Anne Yarwood,  recently asked if I would mind writing something about Surrey Swans for a web site that she has been involved with setting up.

For me, the opportunity to write this was another reminder of the way that things are changing. It was a great encouragement to meet with Anne and talk things through as part of the process of putting it together.

The article is titled Who we are and is on the Stories page of The Imagination Acts web site here.

The text reads like this:

Who we are

In 2003 a group of people began to meet at the function room of the Lion Brewery in Ash, Surrey. They adopted the name Surrey Swans. People have met there 11 or 12 times a year since then.

Those that come long are transgender or the friends or partners of people that are transgender.

I first went along in 2007 and began organising the meetings in 2011.

Why did the meetings begin? And why do they continue?

For me, the story runs something like this.

I was born a boy in the 1950’s. As a teenager, and then as I grew older, I occasionally dressed in clothing that’s generally classified as being ladies.

It was a secret. It resulted in mixed feelings. Pleasure. Guilt. Shame. Sometimes I would buy things. Other times I would throw them away.

In the nineties and noughties things were changing. Trans-related issues began to be discussed openly on WEB sites.

In 2007 I booked a makeover. It felt a bit like meeting myself for the first time. In a way, Andrea was born.

And then Surrey Swans began to make a big difference in my life. To be more precise, people at Surrey Swans made a big difference.

No longer alone. No longer a total secret. Guilt and shame giving way to self-acceptance, wellbeing and healing.

So began a journey.

Today, Surrey Swans matters to me because of the people.

It’s a place where I spend time with friends.

It’s also a place of safety, acceptance and friendship where people who are in the process of discovering themselves can meet other people that are travelling in a similar direction. People who are able to pay attention, to listen, to care, to take seriously and to empathise.

I believe that love is a kind of giving of attention, and of listening. And so, in its way, Surrey Swans is a place where people receive love.

It may be that one day there will be no need of places like Surrey Swans. That our perceived social norms will no longer result in people feeling ashamed or guilty about the way that they dress. That we won’t jump to conclusions about who people are based on stereotyped images projected by the media. We’ll understand that a person is more than the clothing that they choose to wear.

As transgendered people are empowered and encouraged by each other they are more able to go about their daily lives in a way that better reflects who they really are. Able to celebrate rather than self-recriminate.

As people and groups of people that once stigmatised, chastised and criticised learn to tolerate the transgendered. And then to accept them simply as people. And to welcome them.

Until one day, no one even notices.

And little by little this is happening. Right at this very moment.

And some footnotes:

The term transgender is broad. It conjures up other words like transsexual, transvestite and crossdresser. And more modern terms such as genderqueer, gender dysphoric and non-binary.

The same word can mean different things to different people. Different things in different countries. A word that one transgendered person identifies with can sometimes profoundly offend another person.

Here isn’t the place to discuss the precise meaning of these terms. If you’re interested in the meaning you could try here as a beginning: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/Transhealthhome.aspx

In truth, as with many collective nouns, the words are open to stereotypical abuse.

The only way to begin to find out what the term means to a particular trans person is to spend some time talking with and listening to that particular person. Everyone has a unique and special story. And not everyone fits into a specially predefined category.

Having said that, of the people that I know, each in our own uniqueness, we all agree that our trans-ness isn’t about any label that tries to attach itself to us. Really, it’s just who we are.

andrea.wright@hotmail.co.uk

http://surreyswans.blogspot.co.uk/p/introducing-surrey-swans.html

A magazine, an article and a barn dance

Way back in April I received an out-of-the-blue email from Rebecca, the editor of The Parishoner, the Parish Magazine for Ash Vale. Ash Vale is right next to Ash, where Surrey Swans meet. 

This led to the publication of an article which reads, petty much, as follows:

Just people …
 
As I sit and write this, the State of North Carolina has been in the news. Even here in the UK.

 
In connection with this, I read that Ted Cruz has raised the question: “Should a grown man pretending to be a woman, be allowed to use the women’s restroom?” (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/ted-cruz-accuses-donald-trump-of-political-correctness-over-transgender-bathroom-controversy-a6996666.html). I’ll leave you to work out what his answer to that question is.
 
Is that a reasonable characterisation of transgendered people? Men who pretend to be women so that they can get away with using the lady’s restroom? Or perhaps women pretending to be men so that they can use the gents? Or boys pretending to be girls and girls pretending to be boys.
 
And does it matter anyway?
 
To me it matters, because at its heart this is an issue about people. How we understand them and, ultimately, how we come to accept them or reject them.
 
The issues of gender and trans-gender can be complex and here isn’t the place to attempt a detailed analysis of the biology, sociology or psychology of it all. Nor do I have the qualifications to do that.
 
However, I do know many people that identify themselves as being trans. And that’s how I see myself. There’s even a social group that meets together regularly in Ash.
 
I’m happily married and have two grown up daughters. For a long time, my “trans-ness” was a private thing. It took over fifty years for me to reach a position where I could accept myself, be myself and begin to let the secret out. There have, of course, been challenges along the way since that time. But the people that matter to me … family and friends … have batted few eyelids. I feel accepted and loved. I also have a whole lot of new friends.
 
So, who do I think trans people are? And why are trans people the way that they are?
 
Well, of course it is possible to attach labels to us. The box of labels might include little stickers that say things such as transsexual, transvestite, crossdresser, bi-gender or genderqueer.
 
But in reality, each of us is an individual with our own unique life-story. And as with people everywhere, little stickers are never really adequate and they often lead to misunderstanding and injustice.
 
It is a fact that none of the trans people that I know believe that what they are doing is playing dressing up games or games of pretend.
 
When asked “why?”, I find that people are much more likely to respond with something like “it’s who I am” than they are to give a list of reasons “why”. And no one has ever told me that they are who they are because they want to use a different washroom.
 
It isn’t so long ago that people who said this were disbelieved and stigmatised. And sometimes, in some places, this stigmatisation still happens. Thankfully there are also places where things, attitudes and people are changing and the words trans and acceptance are not mutually exclusive.
 
I believe that changes like this begin when people meet each other, talk, and listen to each other. Thus begins a process of understanding and recognition which can lead on to reconciliation and acceptance. Of course, the acceptance isn’t inevitable. But if the process of communication never begins then it’s almost certain that the acceptance will never take place.
 
Most of all, a trans person is just that … a person. We have no need of special treatment. Just the need to be unmolested, allowed to live and allowed to be people.
 
Once upon a time I wrote a letter to the student magazine of the university where I studied. The letter was an attempt at explaining why a marginalised group of people were wrong in the way that they lived. At the time, I thought that I had good intentions. But it shames me to think that I wrote a letter like that without ever having taken the time to talk with any of the people that I was writing about. All that I’d really done was read books.
 
The irony is that trans people have a history of being stereotyped, misunderstood, marginalised and stigmatised.
 
From a trans perspective, I believe that to begin to get beyond this we need to see the word trans as representing something more than a set of things or issues. It’s actually all about people. And really, the only way to begin to understand what trans means is to get to know the people.
 
And I believe that knowing the people would help answer questions like those raised by Ted Cruz in a way that treats people as people rather than as issues.
 
So, I’d encourage all of us, everywhere, that before we put pen to paper, fingertips to keyboards or words to mouth, to think about the people rather than the issues.
 
Of course this doesn’t just apply to the way we deal with trans. A lot of other words come to mind as well. For me, all those years ago I allowed words that I had read to cloud my vision of people. And each day I have to challenge myself to watch the news and to think of people when I hear words such as refugee, migrant, homeless, Islam, Christian. 
 
For more background on trans-related issues you could begin by looking here: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria.
 
And I can be contacted here: andrea.wright@hotmail.co.uk

 

The article was published in August.

Rebecca suggested that it might be good if some Surrey Swans would be able to get to know some of the parishioners, and vice-versa.

So, as an outworking of that, Chloe, Rosemary and I went along to a barn dance at Ash on October 22nd.

We had a great time.

Although I don’t have much in the way of “faith” at the moment, it’s encouraging to see that a church is OK with people that don’t know what the answers are and also isn’t claiming to have all of the answers to all of the questions.

The vicar took the time to ask how the church could be more welcoming to trans people. I think in the end he summed it up well in saying that there’s maybe some educating and then forgetting. In the sense that it’s about people looking at someone and not being especially concerned about them as being trans … or anything else … but just accepting them as people.

An especially good thing about the evening for me, was that I felt that’s what people did. Dancing, talking with people, visiting the loo. No one seemed worried.

I mentioned a conversation I had with some very close family friends when I “came out” to them as being trans. I remember them saying that a church house group that they led at one time had a trans person that would come along. I said I thought that was great that they could do that, but the thing I found difficult was that I suspected that although the person was allowed into the group, most people would be praying for them to be healed of their trans-ness. At that point it had taken me a lifetime to work out that my own trans-ness was about who I am, and accepting … even being happy … with the fact that it didn’t need healing. The vicar asked if the real healing began when I was able to begin to accept myself as myself. And yes, I thing that it did. I hadn’t thought of it that way before.

Quite a few years ago my wife Sally and I used to go along to a local Baptist church, at the same time as a couple that moved to Ash. We knew that they went to an Anglican church there. Also, we knew that if “the article” included a picture of Andrea and Katie (our younger daughter), that they might not recognise Andrea, but might well recognise Katie.

So … when I saw them arrive at the barn dance … I went over to say hello.

They didn’t recognise me … which, I must admit, I was relieved about. Then, as the penny dropped, there was a bit of a feeling that their jaws dropped. But only a bit.

Later in the evening I had a chance to spend some time chatting with them both, and that was great.

It’s odd though, that I don’t know how they felt about the idea of Andy also being Andrea. I hope they were as un-phased as they seemed.

So, the barn dance was part of the ongoing story of my own life and the people that I know. And that means a lot to me.

Transgender Students in Schools in the USA

There’s an interesting new item at: http://time.com/3614567/transgender-students-gender-identity-deserves-respect-feds-say/

The article begins with:

In one short paragraph of a 34-page memo released on Dec. 1, the Department of Education articulated a clear stance on gender identity, saying transgender students in public schools should be enrolled in single-sex classes that align with how they live their lives day-to-day.

The memo is explicit that federal law protects students’ decisions made in accordance with their gender identity. “Under Title IX,” it reads, a school “must treat transgender students consistent with their gender identity in all aspects of the planning, implementation, enrolment, operation, and evaluation of single-sex classes.”

It is, I believe, good news for all people that have open minds and hearts.

Toilets, transgender and transphobia

We’re hoping for a visit from a LAGLO from Surrey Police at the Surrey Swans meeting that is scheduled for November 30th

I emailed my Surrey Swans contact list to ask if anyone had any questions that they would like to have discussed.

A question that I’ve received reads like this:

I hope to come along, as always, but in case I don't then the question of toilet facilities is something which comes up quite a lot.

Obviously in private premises then a quiet word with a manager should clear up most situations, but in public situations I understand that there are no legal hurdles to overcome when using a ladies convenience when presenting as a woman (or crossdressed or . . . or . . etc) but what would happen should a genetic woman object and make a scene?

If I need the loo and go to the men's conveniences then this is the most likely place to be attacked, so . . . apart from personal responsibility for ones safety could they comment about loos.

I’ll post the answers when I have them.

I just recently searched Google News using the search word transgender. And the subject of bathrooms / toilet / loo facilities comes up a surprisingly high number of times.

There’s this from the Rush Limbaugh show. The discussion is about the city of Cleveland, Ohio and the person that called in to the show says:

the city of Cleveland, Cleveland city council, I understand that this has been an issue in other cities in recent days, although never went national.  Cleveland city council on Monday, I believe it was, was having a debate with the transgender community here.  I attended the meeting.  What they want is the right to use restrooms in public areas -- bars, restaurants, sporting events, and the like -- and I just wanted to get your take on that, because that's an up in-the-air issue here.  The Cleveland city council didn't come to a decision, so now they're saying it's gonna be going to the Supreme Court.  I would imagine the state Supreme Court

And then here the Miami Herald has the headline “Transgender discrimination ban prevails in Miami-Dade panel, despite opposition” and says:

Raw emotion and invocations of biblical damnation over a proposed ban on discrimination against transgender people dominated Wednesday what was perhaps the fiercest debate Miami-Dade County Hall has seen this year.

Advocates of a more inclusive society, including transgender men and women who spoke of how difficult it can be to find public acceptance, were outnumbered by conservatives who, in a show of force, assailed the legislation as immoral and a threat to public safety. Two likened South Florida to Sodom and Gomorrah.

What proponents called a civil-rights issue was boiled down by opponents to a mundane task that blurred the divide between men and women: going to the bathroom. A law protecting people like him, a transgender man said, offers the “dignity to pee in peace.”

Here the National Post has the headline “Parents suing Vancouver School Board over new transgender policy that lets students use any washroom”.

The Eastern Wake News says, here, that:

Wake County school administrators want to help transgender students avoid being bullied as they undergo what may be a difficult personal transition in the very public environment of school.

Wake, like other school districts across the country, is trying to accommodate the small but growing number of students who don’t want to go by the sex assigned to them at birth. From providing locker room and bathroom facilities to making sure of the right terminology to use, Wake administrators say they want to develop specific training to deal with bullying related to gender identity.

Wavy.com has an article that mentions:

GLOUCESTER, Va. (WAVY) — Gloucester’s school board has delayed voting on a policy involving restroom facilities for a transgender student, until its December 9 meeting.

“Though I was assigned female at birth, that’s not the case. I’m a boy,” 10th grader Gavin Grimm told WAVY.com.

Grimm, who attends Gloucester High School, came out as transgender over the summer. At school, he was initially told to use the nurse’s bathroom, then he was allowed to use the boys restroom.

The 15-year-old told WAVY.com, “However, there have been some parents in the community, or rather adults, that have had a problem with this. So, I’m fighting for my right to use the correct restroom … the men’s restroom.”

Back here I wrote about an experience of my own:

The only not-nice incident of the weekend occurred here.

Veronica visited the Ladies and a guy that was very much the worse for wear in terms of excessive alcohol consumption … began to bad-mouth her. For no good reason.

There was a member of the Weatherspoon’s staff close by at the time who called a security guard over and the man was escorted from the premises.

When we left, the guy was still outside the building with a few of his friends.

He was abusive to everyone and if it hadn’t been for the efforts of his friends in holding him back, I guess all kinds of things could have happened.

It seems that the people that have the hang-ups about this issue often are either simply uninformed or have some kind of a faith / religious region for their views.

The religious views seem to b0il down to the belief that God hates the whole concept of transgender. Maybe He loves the person … but they’re going to end up in hell regardless. It can be difficult to have a rational discussion about gender with a person that has decided that it is wrong because the Bible or the Qur'an (etc. etc, ) says that it is wrong. Period. So it can also difficult to have a rational discussion about gender, transgender and human rights with such people.

I personally know quite a few transgender people. So far I have never met anyone that deliberately wants to offend or upset people. They just want to get along with living.

I don’t know a single transgender person that goes to the bathroom / restroom other than for the purpose that the bathroom / restroom is intended.

My guess is that neither do the people who have problems with the idea of transgender people using the restroom.

Of course, I don’t know every transgender person in the world. But I find it difficult to see any real motive for the hang-ups that many people have about the use of restrooms that don’t, in the end, just boil down to being an expression of transphobia.