Saturday, 9 August 2008

Of parties and people

I got along to the party at Trans-Femme a few Saturdays ago. It rained and rained and rained. And it rained. So it wasn’t a garden party at all. However, it was great. It was nice to meet Nikki ... having only met Nik previously. And also Tracey again. And lots of new people. Nikki took some pictures and also Julie and Kat did. So here are some:

This is Kat taking photos:

And Julie:
Me and Tracey:

And me with ... mmm ... my memory for names is totally shot.

The TV Dinner in Reading was cancelled, and no one can make it to Pink Punters on Friday, so the rest of that week was less busy than I was expecting.

A few things have happened in the past weeks that have brought back to mind the different perspectives and views that people have when it comes to cross dressing and transgender issues.

During a conversation that I was on the periphery of at the party, people were talking about the reaction of partners on discovering that the guy in their life was a TV. One TG said that she could understand how a person in such a position could feel kind of betrayed and lied to. But found it difficult to see why any woman wouldn’t be happy to have a partner that was kind of feminine and closer to her.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with Kelly Red, soon after my acceptance of the Andrea in me. We were talking about the reaction of partners and how it’s not an easy thing for them to cope with. Kelly said ... “yeah ... it’s a bit like if your wife decided she wanted to wear a moustache and beard ... it might be hard to get to grips with.”

I think that Kelly has it right. It’s not an easy thing.

I know that I’m the same person now that I was even before I first tried makeup. I express myself in ways that I didn’t before, but I am the same person. Even when I’m wearing a frock.
But, I can see that from a partner’s perspective, it isn’t necessarily so straightforward. When I’m dressed, I look different. I walk differently. My mannerisms are different. Added to that, my fingernails are longer. I spend time filing them. I shave body hair. The me inside of me is the same, but the outer image isn’t. And, quite often, the outer image matters to people.

I remember one time Kathy mentioning that when she is out with Billie and Billie is dressed, they don’t hold hands. “I guess it’s because I don’t want people to think that I’m a lesbian”, Kathy said, “which is strange, because I have quite a few friends that are lesbians ... “.

I spent some time last week talking online with C. I have known C for quite a few years – quite a while before Andrea had “happened”.

A while back I mentioned to C that I was a TV. She didn’t know what to make of it at all. More recently she’s looked at Andrea through the eyes of this blog. And is, I think, struggling to work out who I am.

She says she feels as though she never really knew me.

I try to explain ... “But I’m me. The same me as before. Just expressing myself differently.”
The lipstick, the skirts ... in C’s eyes they make me different.

I don’t think that C feels that the whole TV thing is unnatural or abominable. But it’s not easy for her to understand. In fact I don’t understand it either. Not really.

Then there is CC. CC doesn’t have a problem with the idea.. Nor does Hope, or Debbie. Nor do many other people.

Everyone is different, I know, and I’m ok with that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Interesting to know.