Tuesday, 26 June 2007

On being Andrea

Sunday was a lazy kind of day. I dressed in the morning and stayed that way most of the day.

Younger daughter got back from her weekend away a lot later than expected.

There's a strange kind of potential conflict that I feel at times. For the time being at least I don't think I can be Andrea while she is around. That doesn't mean that I don't want her around. But I do want to be able to take the opportunities that I have to dress. So I'm interested in how long she will be gone ... when she'll get back. Really though, I don't want this to be a big issue.

Sometimes I do stop and think ... what's the purpose in all this? How do I relate to Andrea? How does Andrea relate to me?

The only answers I get are that there is no conflict. I am Andrea. Andrea is me. Just different aspects of the same person.

Driving back from work yesterday was strange somehow. For no particular reason that I can think of I just felt kind of silly. Crazy. Why does a grown man want to dress like a woman? What's the point of it?

I don't know the answers to these questions.

Once, in my born again days I would have picked up a Bible and looked for answers there. And sometimes that worked. I remember one time ... must have been in 1975 ... I was feeling perplexed and uneasy. I remember reading Psalm 94:19 ... when the cares of my heart are many, Thy consolations cheer my soul. Those words meant a lot to me over many years, I still remember them and where they are written. At the time in 1975 I was falling in love. The relationship didn't last, but the words did for a long time.

Yesterday I remember thinking I need someone to say to me ... it's OK to be Andrea.

Within myself I believe that it is OK. It is OK to be me. I don't want to be anyone else.


Pretty Sissy Dani said...


First of all, thanks for the link.

Second, as a practicing Episcopalian, I've developed the belief that we are as God created us...and if he did not want us and love us to be as we are, he would not have done so. My God is a loving deity who does not create humans in some form just to torment them.

I look forward to reading more of your thoughts and desires.

Andrea said...

Thanks Dani :)