Friday, 22 May 2009

Being the same … but different

The post at provides some background on these musings.

I remember saying to Sally, my wife, in the early days of her knowing that I am a transvestite: I haven’t changed … I’m the same person.

I was reminded of this an episode of The Street recently. Different circumstances, but similar words.

It was true.

And yet, the discovery, the admission … the coming out … leads to change.

Changed perceptions.

Changed circumstances.

And these things lead to changed people. Changed Sally. Changed me.

In fact we were bound to change even without any admission of anything. Without any coming out.

People change.

The admission, the coming out, this, I think, contributes to the direction of the change.

There are things that I do now that I did not do or could not do before.

I have a blog with pictures of me.

I dress and wear makeup when I can without being afraid of being found out by my family.

I’m not afraid of Andrea being seen in an everyday kind of world.

I am able to accept the person that I am … and I am glad to be that person.

I know … I’m not perfect … there is a long, long, long way to go. But I no longer worry about the transgendered nature of my personality as being a defect that needs fixing.

I celebrate it.

All these things influence how I behave. They affect how I interact with people.

They allow me to more honestly and openly be myself.

This affects the way that people perceive me.

And this, perhaps, makes the question as to whether or not I am the same a little less relevant.

If the way that people perceive me has changed, then, so far as they are concerned, I am different.

So even at the beginning … when I first told Sally the I am the same… to her i was different.

In the end, maybe the thing that matters isn’t so much the I am the same person thing that is said at the beginning of discovery.

Maybe it is the what happens next that matters.

Are people happier?

More open.

More honest.

Less afraid.

Less secretive.

I have, still, a long way to go on this journey.

Many people that I know don’t know of Andrea.

Not everyone is ready. Not everyone could cope.

And yet … Andrea is not a different person. She is me. So even the people that do not know of her … actually .. they do know her … just not with the makeup and the frock.

And, though it is not my intention to offend or hurt anyone, I do not live in constant fear of discovery.

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